“What an impressive head of hair. I mean, the rest of us are supposed to keep an eye on the road….”
“Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.”
“I’m so glad that we can be together again. I’ve missed you.”
I cannot believe that I am (I have become) someone who has planned a going home outfit for New Baby.
Should everything work according to plan, he should be coming home about three months from now.
I don’t even think that a going home outfit is that important. I mean, he will have no awareness of the thing. And there is less-than-zero chance that some bodily fluid or other will be on that outfit before we even make it the mile and change between the hospital and home.
What has happened to me?
I ordered a hat that matches the outfit.
They say that every child is different…but is a mom different with every child. Am I becoming someone I don’t even know yet?
Is now the right time to also confess that I’ve ordered a teeny, tiny little winter jacket for him?
“Thanks for letting me sleep all night without having to get up to visit the bathroom. What a birthday treat! That very strong wallop you delivered as soon as I did wake up made it feel extra thoughtful.”
“Hey, thanks to you we got a sneak peek at the baby. Also, thanks for staying the same size. In fact, y’all were down there and I was none the wiser. Keep it up and you’re welcome to stay.”
“Whew! That took awhile. You gave me the chance to have a whole eyeball conversation with the other black lady in line. For that, I thank you.”
“Sir, you were pushing what appeared to be a very heavy cart. You put everyone’s toes in jeopardy. Be better.”
“The correct verb tense for the facilitation of bus service in the district should have been ‘run’ not ‘ran.’ You might think about running your long-winded phone bulletins by one of the English teachers.”