In an open letter to the high school teacher who once said to/asked of me, “You don’t do that Lil’ Kim stuff, do you?”

“Gross. I think that you were making an allusion to the rumor circulating during that time that Lil’ Kim had her stomach pumped for, uh, let’s just say, big girl reasons. But, I could be wrong; I’ve never been great at putting together these sorts of things. What I do know is that your question made me sweat. A lot. As in more than usual. And during those particular years, I was a perpetual sweaty mess. Again, gross.”

Links I Like

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I love that bold black and white photo on their wall.

These cake pops are seriously cute!

Chocolate. Bourbon. Pecan. Pie.

Let the eggnog games begin.

Pumpkin spice plus chickpeas? I’m intrigued.

Now that I’ve forayed into donut making, it’s more likely that I’ll make these Pumpkin Creme Brulee Doughnuts.

Look at these cute ways to wrap small gifts!

I already love butter. Flavoring butter might lead me into obsession mode.

This is a serious salad.

Oat and pistachio topped sweet potatoes. Say what?

In an open letter to the man who sat beside me/almost atop me on the plane,

“I have to tell you, I didn’t see it coming. You looked so neutrally friendly as you approached our row. Then you proceeded to take up about one quarter of my seat, not because your size required it, but because… Well, only you can answer that one. I should have just said something. But the longer we sat, the more uncomfortable I became. I didn’t even want to move because I knew that you would feel my every movement since the entire length of my leg from hip to knee was in full contact with your leg. I thought about putting my hand on your knee since it was in my seat, but I thought better of it. I even considered resting my head on your shoulder, but that may have been biting off more than I could chew. I even thought about trying to relax into the bodily contact, try to enjoy it, but I just couldn’t….”

Fast and Loose: Cheeseburger Donuts

homerdonut1I am more of a lemming that I thought I was.

Either that, or I am unable to resist a challenge.

A friend of mine texted me one of the articles about Philadelphia’s PYT Burger’s new D’oh Nut Burger. This cheeseburger stuffed donut is an homage to Homer Simpson’s love for donuts. Their donut  is stuffed with a beef patty and American cheese. It also has bacon bits on top, glued down by donut glaze. I took one look at the photo that came with and immediately had to fight against my watering mouth. A cheeseburger donut seems like one of those things that will either roughly seduce you or roughly repulse you. Let’s just say, the Teddy Pendergrass was cued the moment I set eyes on it.

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I wish that burger had existed when I was briefly in Philadelphia this summer. I would have traveled out of my way to try it. My son may have scoured the menu for something more sensible, like a salad. That’s what he ordered when I ordered a cheesesteak.

But, alas, here I am in Michigan. If I wanted to experience something like that cheeseburger-stuffed donut, I was going to have to make it myself.

Now, I have a bit of a history with turning cheeseburgers into other foods like cheeseburger fries and pizza. Doing this donut thing would be another step in this direction. 

The game plan was to take a basic donut recipe and start there. I started with one from Epicurious. Then, I needed to develop a filling. I decided to make a cheese sauce like I would if I were making macaroni and cheese and to mix hamburger elements into it like ground beef, pickles, ketchup and mustard. A glaze would be no problem to add. Finally, I wanted to top the donut with bacon crumbles.

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So, I cut up a half onion and sauteed it in olive oil, then I cooked about a pound of ground beef. Once that was done , I drained the mixture and I added ketchup, mustard and relish. I mixed that together and set it aside.

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Next, I made the sauce. Here I cooked some flour in oil. Then I added milk, making a smooth sauce. Then I melted a generous amount of cheddar cheese into it making a cheese sauce. Finally, I added the meat mixture.

By this time, it was time to deal with the donuts. By the way, I substituted bacon fat for some of the butter the recipe called for. After the donuts proofed, I fried them and let them cool a bit. After that, I pierced them with a butter knife then twisted the knife in order to make a hole for the mixture to be added into.

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Next, I added the cheese mixture to a pastry bag. I used the bag to pipe the cheese mixture into the donuts.  Finally, it was time to apply a glaze, crumbled bacon and miniature chocolate chips.

So, the question is how was it? It was very good. In fact, when I had my son taste it, he made a noise that I don’t ever want to hear come from him again.

Here’s the vine that shows the donut coming together.

 

Snippets From a 12-Year-Old Notebook

I don’t know what made me flip through the notebook I wrote in so many years ago, but I did. For several years I always had a notebook with me. There I recorded ideas for stories and often snippets of poetry. Some of the things in the notebook made me laugh when I read them. I can no longer remember what was pure fiction, and what of this book were words stolen from overheard conversations. In some cases I imagine the stories I might have written. In other cases, I’m glad I didn’t write the stories.
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“Quite frankly, the conversation reminded him of one  of his anthropology classes, the one about black culture that he took to impress Lena the black girl he was dating at the time. That was before he met Leena the Indian girl he’s dating currently, for the time being.”

“I don’t deal very well with men reminiscent of Beavis.”

“Girl, you can’t be puttin’ that cigarette so close to that fake hair. I don’t have the right shoes on for a fire.”

“Personally, I like code switching. Know what I mean. Gives you a little edge.”

“Sex so wet and messy you need a drop cloth.”

“Don’t mind her, she’s just the house girlfriend.”

“Greasy-face stains on the windows.”

 

Getting into a little of a lot of things.