“I bet your pre-baby body was slammin.'”
“Hi! I’m glad that you were able to tell me what the problem is. Thanks for that. I guess that I also appreciate your admiration of my president Pez dispensers. I was less of a fan of the way that you walked around them so that you could fully take them in. I didn’t mind […]
I would advise you to protect your sacred spaces. If that’s your car, then protect your car space. If that’s your morning cup of coffee, then protect that cup of coffee. If that space is your sweet, sweet sleep, I advise you against having erotic dreams about the current president. Trust me on that last point. Trust me hard.
“I need you more now than I have ever needed you. Can you visit me tonight while I sleep, you know, in my dreams? You can do whatever you want. You can read legislation verbatim. Bring Jill, brush her hair. Anything. You might be the only thing that can stop me from having another dream […]
I had forgotten just how much I am a fan of a good staycation.
A couple of years ago, I took one at the end of a grueling summer. That one was so sorely needed that it barely counts.
Since I bought my car in 2013, I sort of got away from staycations and moved toward road trips. In fact, Alex and I almost embarked upon a mini road trip that would have been ending right now, had I not decided to just stay home.
It was the right move. Alex and I mostly hung out at home, him doing him, me doing me all vacation long.
That is, until the night he decided that he wanted to teach me how to play a game that he learned at school. He taught me how to play a card game called, “Speed.”
He explained the instructions to me, and then we were off. He couldn’t believe how quickly I picked the game up. I think that he discovered just how competitive that I can be. I discovered that he inherited the gene. We stayed up past midnight playing the game. This alone made me grateful for our staycation.
Even if I can’t beat him every round.
“Bold choices, sir, bold choices. Way to do you, though. Way to do you.”
“Thanks to you, I can remember the open letters that come to me when I am out in the world gawking at innocent people who are out there just trying to live.”
“Funny thing is that I’ve pretty much ignored you for a couple months. Then, I had a technical problem, and now all I want to do is login.”
“Recent events have piqued my interest in your story. Please do not interpret this as an opportunity to haunt my dreams. Thanks in advance!”
“This seemed like a fashion choice. I’m wondering, though if that 3 inches of exposed upper butt was also a fashion choice. My real question, though, is wasn’t that cold? You had both low temperatures and the wind you created going at that bare skin.”