“Sir, if you are going to unflinchingly make direct eye contact with me after boldly staring at my chest, I am going to unabashedly roll my eyes at you.”
“I did not appreciate that you grunted in disappointment when in response to an aggressive wind I held the hem of my dress. When your disapproving noise caught my attention, I looked at you to find you staring directly at my lap. I did not like that either….”
“You know, we all have the experiences that we have. But when I ask you whether you have kids, and your very casually stated response is that you’ve always wanted them, but that you’ve had some abortions and miscarriages over the years, that’s a little much for me….”
“Nope. Not acceptable at all. I wish I had seeded him with an inappropriate canned answer. You know, something you’d remember for the rest of your live. Maybe something involving aliens. Aliens and worms.”
“Why the heck is there a shot glass in the back seat pouch in our car?”
“When I came back to pick up my key, you told me that everything was waiting for me at the cashier. I was a little surprised when you walked me over there. I was more surprised when you stood there during the duration of the transaction. I wasn’t so surprised when you shook my hand, […]
“Please know that if I could take your bad mood and babysit until it decided to act right again, that I would happily do that for you. But, alas, I can’t. Instead, I hope that the idea of a bad mood being like a naughty puppy cheers you up just a smidge.”
“Um, I think you should have thanked me, especially since this is the one time in my life I’ve had a bag of pot in my hand.”
Dudes. Dating is weird.
It’s like interviewing people for a super personal job.
Writing about it in a place where anyone could look at it is also weird. But, alas, writing is how I think, and I’ve decided that I want to document my experiences.
Now, first things first, I fully intend to protect the identities of the innocent (and even the not so innocent). See, the thing is, if your name is like my name, even cursory Googling will get you to one of my blogs. Good thing, though, is if a guy would object to dating the kind of person who would turn the whole thing into a project, and is also the sort of guy to do his homework, he knows that I’m not for him. And with that knowledge, we both win!
My other starting ground rule is that I’m going to allow some time to pass between what has happened and when I post about it. The last thing I want is to feel like someone has enough accurate data points to figure out just where I’ve been and with whom. I don’t think anyone really cares, but it feels gross to just have that info just hanging out there.
I’m going to go ahead and admit to something that is probably a problem. My main vice is curiosity. I stay in all sorts of places too long because I’m curious about them. I talk to people too long due to curiosity. Curiosity is the birthplace of all of my worst ideas…but, also, my good ones.
Dating is almost like consensual eavesdropping. In that way, it is very alluring to the curious.
You get invited into a sliver of someone’s life, and you can take it all in and turn it into short stories…if that’s your thing.
If you know anything at all about me, you know that working on projects and setting goals are central to the way that I see myself. Here, the project is to document these dates, and more importantly, what I learn from them. The goals are manifold. I tend to be someone who sort of falls into relationships, a serial monogamist, if you will. Here, I’m aiming to push against that habit a bit. I’m also trying to take the time to really think about what’s important to me and why, what I like and why, and what I’m looking for and why.
I might as well get a project out of it, no?
“Please do not ever again announce to the barista that I will soon be fertile. I don’t think he needed that information as I simply tried to pay for my drink using another app….”