“I totally think that you are treated unfairly. I actually like you. Part of this might be because I really, really like panties. Also, you’re just so cute. You sound like pants’ baby brother, or niece. Finally, I like you the way that you are written, that ‘t’ right there through your core, but I […]
Like a peach
.
In an open letter to herself upon the occasion of the 500th open letter,
“I can’t believe you’ve been doing this for a few years now. Who knew it would go on this long? This whole thing, after all, started as a fling. But what is wrong with you? You are going to lead people to believe that you do nothing but stare at people’s bodies. You do more […]
How to eat your feelings
This is not a 100-level discussion of how to eat your feelings. At 100-level, the whole matter is solved with the help of something sugary that comes in a bottle, something salty that comes in a bag, and something sweet that you just may be eating straight from the pan. This is a level or… Continue reading How to eat your feelings
Like an eggplant
Whisky Lemonade |with recipe|
It has been nice here in Michigan. The sky is blue again. The birds are in party down mode. The warm months are my favorite time of year. I am determined to make the best of it. Sometimes that means enjoying a nice, cool beverage. It’s even better when it’s easy (like Sunday morning?). That’s… Continue reading Whisky Lemonade |with recipe|
In an open letter to another girl wearing microscopic shorts,
“You definitely have the body for short shorts. I’ll give you that. But, honey, your butt is so flat that at first I couldn’t tell I was looking at a butt cheek. I thought I was looking at a wrinkle. Another inch on those shorts and your business wouldn’t be all our in the streets….”
In an open letter to her neighbor,
“I am a sound sleeper. When other people complain about thunder and lightning through the night, I’m all like ‘It rained? Huh. I thought it smelled rather verdant around here.’ So, for you to wake me from a sound sleep means that you were making some serious noise. Such, ahem, activities should never make that […]
In an open letter to the woman on a walk who encountered some roadkill,
“Girl, I understand. No one wants to step over a well-fed raccoon. However, walking so far into the street that you were straddling the lane marker was overkill. Especially on a road with a speed limit of 45. You are begging to meet the same fate….”