“I understand that this is probably an inappropriate thing to say to the deceased, but I can totally imagine someone grabbing those large ears of yours, whispering into one of them, ‘Big Texas.’ What have you done to me?”
The Old Kinderhook
His muttonchops! Okay, now that we have that out of the way. Martin Van Buren was a man of many nicknames. Old Kinderhook is one of them, based on his home, Kinderhook, New York. While this is up for debate, some believe that Martin Van Buren gave us the word, “okay.” As in O.K. As in
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In an open letter to herself on a questionable hair day,
“Lady, next time you squeeze a more-than-quarter-sized dollop of hair gel into your hand, just scrape some of it into the sink. This is especially true if you don’t even know when you last relaxed your hair. Otherwise, you will catch a glimpse of yourself in your car window and think, ‘Dang, I look like […]
In an open letter to the tanned, shirtless silver fox I saw on my lunch break,
“Sir, I have said this before, but I need to say it again; I am not used to this seasonal nudity. You, sir, almost caused me to walk right out into traffic with all your shirtlessness, and that tan, and those abs. You may just be a danger to innocent pedestrians. And, uh, can I […]
In an open letter to her upstairs neighbor,
“Please, please, please tell me that you’re up there rapping without any music. Otherwise, the force of your words, the sheer volume of them and the lack of pausing for taking a breath is very disturbing….”
Johnson
You are the President who most
looks like kin to Larry, Daryll
and Daryll, most
likely to enjoy squirrel soup.
This might be racist.
You were the first President
ever described to me nastily
with that word. Douglass
examined you, said, “This man
is no friend to black people.”
Posthumously, President Johnson,
This had hurt my feelings. Yet you
planted something here that wants
you, beyond the grave, to like me,
seeing past prejudice a redeemable
human being. Maybe, with boldness,
even a woman.
The Old Hickory
Andrew Jackson is one of those larger-than-life presidents. There are so many interesting details about him that it is difficult to choose a starting point. So, let’s just go all the way back to his beginning. Andrew Jackson started his life under difficult circumstances. His father died before he was even born, leaving him with
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In an open letter to black hair,
” I’m just saying, the best thing about you is your sculptural quality.”
In an open letter to Bill Clinton,
“Your hair always looks so cottony and nice. You get great haircuts. The way that your hair color has evolved is picture perfect. If you’re getting some new version of a blue rinse, please don’t ever tell us. Please let the dream live.”
Maybe a Potato?
It started somewhat innocently. I was thinking about one of those articles that tells you what to wear, or what exercises to do based on your body type. I’m used to seeing apple, pear, and sometimes chili pepper as the options in these types of article…