“Well, that was embarrassing. I mean, I know that I am not the first person out there to look for bare-chested photos of Peter Jennings. Why did you suggest that I wanted to see pictures of him smoking? Now, in addition to making me feel like a creepster, you’ve smoldered my fantasy a little bit.”
“So….if, considering my body type you think that I’m young enough to run track somewhere, it was probably on the shady side for you to try to engage me in conversation. It was definitely out of line when you suggested that you needed someone to work out with.”
“You know the kind of guy that your friends think you shouldn’t hang out with? The kind that makes them demand a just-so-I-know-you-got-home-call? You are the brain equivalent of that; I don’t know if I should be left alone with you.”
“You reminded me of both Bill Clinton and Dumbledore. This left me erotically confused.”
“Bravo. You look like you know how to live. Those pants looked so comfortable, yet stylish. I wonder if that’s the secret to the bright bounce in your step. Your panties, however, did not look so comfortable. I wonder if that’s the secret to the bright bounce in your step.”
“I suspect that the reason you started talking to me is because you felt bad that I was there by myself. It was a little weird how you kept leaning over though putting your upper side in contact with mine to tell me how much your wife was into the concert, but that you were not. I couldn’t help but notice, however, how many of the song lyrics you knew. I also think that it was super weird that you asked me if I felt better after I came back from the bathroom.”
“If this were a Nelly concert I would think you were thematically dressed, letting it fall out and all. If this were Morris Day and the Time I would think you were paying Homage.”
“Please tell me these two items are not related to each other.”
“Did y’all have to train in order to achieve this? Is there a particular technique you use?”
“Yeah, so the exclaiming at yourself, ‘Great. Everything’s hanging out now!’ in a somewhat audible tone probably was not the best move.”