Open Letters:

“I wonder what you were thinking when you berated the class for giving unrealistic answers to that question. I wonder if it had ever crossed your mind that perhaps you didn’t frame the question properly.  It isn’t even as if we had studied any primary texts or other things to help us put your question into context. I never forgot that assignment. Actually, this might have been one of the things that made me think that I wasn’t interested in social studies or history for years. The whole thing seemed as silly to me then as it seems to me now.”

“Even though I understand in my heart that your lyrics weren’t meant to be pondered thoroughly, I so often feel confused if I think about your words at all.’ 

“Everyone in the entire dealership knows that Planet Fitness has some rules that you don’t like. We hear that you think that you should be able to bring guests with your basic membership.”

“While you’re surprised that Planet Fitness, does not offer a sauna, this is not surprising. Also, saying, ‘Asking big girl who has one isn’t an option,’ just wasn’t nice. And just who are you talking to, asking her whether she’s paying her car note today? For a man who divulged that he’s only going to be around for a month, you sure are asking a lot of questions about other people’s money.”

“While you might not be able to understand how someone goes ‘from having a problem to not having a problem,’ so fast, I can think of a number of ways that can happen. Also, you’re never going to convince a woman who’s giving her child money that she shouldn’t if that’s what she thinks needs to be done. Also, maybe a small room that others are trying to use isn’t the place for this conversation.”

“You just reminded me that I find it uncomfortable to use a waiting room when I am the only female. This is exacerbated when y’all are yawning, laughing, leaning, and having conversations louder than the loud TV.”

“One glance and my mind went crazy. It looked like your underwear was pressing equally hard into your flesh as it was into the thin pants you wore. But it is the thought of the sweet, sweet relief that you must feel when you take those things off that captivated me. I wonder if you were punishing yourself on purpose in order to later feel that sudden burst of freedom….”

“I’m thinking that feeling decidedly worse after a couple of days of moderate cold sensations isn’t a good thing. What about that afternoon in bed? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Y’all come out in force, don’t you. You didn’t fool me though. You wanted to learn President Carter’s secret to longevity, no?”

“You know, I think I need my Barry White limited. Barry White unlimited, was just too much for me.”