Open Letters:

From Me to Some of Everyone

Tag: pregnancy

In an open letter to new baby,

“Your hiccups last night were adorable!”

In an open letter to new baby,

“Thanks for letting me sleep all night without having to get up to visit the bathroom. What a birthday treat! That very strong wallop you delivered as soon as I did wake up made it feel extra thoughtful.”

In an open letter to this pregnancy,

“I never knew that despite my love for food and cooking, I only ever want to eat a certain amount of times per day. I am tired of snacks. Now excuse me while I eat this apple and granola bar.”

In an open letter to the pregnant woman who shimmied and squeezed in order to avoid walking the long way to the elliptical machine next to mine,

“Ma’am, I know that I am one of those people who can be weird about personal space, but next time you get on a gym machine directly next to someone else, you might not want to wear the perfume that makes the person next to you feel like she’s tasting circus peanuts.”

In an open letter to her dream mind,

“I don’t even know what to say about you. I don’t like dreams where I am pregnant, especially when it is very obvious, yet I am trying to hide it from people. I especially don’t like such dreams when they cut to a scene where I have an assignment to juice 300 lemons using a […]