Open Letters:

From Me to Some of Everyone

Tag: walking

In the open letter to the man who rolled up beside me talkin’ ‘bout he’s going to make sure I get to my car safely,

“Um…. That didn’t make me feel safe….”

In an open letter to the police officer who pulled up beside me as I walked home in the dark and asked me if I needed a ride,

“Officer, you scared the bejeezus out of me! Also, is that standard protocol?”

In an open letter to the woman walking across campus with a confident strut and the comfortable looking pants,

“Bravo. You look like you know how to live. Those pants looked so comfortable, yet stylish. I wonder if that’s the secret to the bright bounce in your step. Your panties, however, did not look so comfortable. I wonder if that’s the secret to the bright bounce in your step.”

In an open letter to the three men who managed to take up the entire very wide sidewalk with their slow, loose-jointed walk,

“Did y’all have to train in order to achieve this? Is there a particular technique you use?”

In an open letter to the woman on a walk who encountered some roadkill,

“Girl,  I understand. No one wants to step over a well-fed raccoon. However, walking so far into the street that you were straddling the lane marker was overkill. Especially on a road with a speed limit of 45. You are begging to meet the same fate….”

In an open letter to the guy who pulled up beside me to ask me if I’m single,

“Oh, hi! Thanks for reminding me why I don’t walk outdoors as much as I used to. I guess everyone can benefit from a little dose of reality.”

In an open letter to people who walk with no clear sense of purpose,

“I don’t understand you.”