In an open letter to the woman who is saving a seat, whoops, I mean two seats in the restaurant,

“You don’t get to keep looking at me when your seat saving means that my son and I are standing. Well, not without me thinking disparaging thoughts about your appearance. I, however, do get to keep looking at you and the two empty seats next to you. I get to think, ‘you look like the kind to be stood up.’”