“I know that you are boss and employee. Therefore, the intimacy of that lean-in disturbed me. Deeply. Additionally, I don’t know how to reconcile that whole wedding band issue. I might not sleep soundly tonight.”
Author: sherlonya
In an open letter to that unfortunate braless period in college,
“I am glad that I got that out of my system when I did….”
In an open letter to a man to whom I lied,
“I don’t mean to be a liar, I was just put on the spot. I was trying to politely communicate that I’m not interested in any, um, extracurricular activities. That’s why when you asked me whether I hang out, I said, ‘No.’ I mean, what else was there to say? I lied again when you […]
In an open letter to the term, “turn you out” and any of its derivative or related terms,
“There is something about you that I’ve always found disorienting. Also, on a mechanical level, you never sounded like a good idea.”
In an open letter a young man about ten years my junior,
“I couldn’t hear all of the things that you said under your breath in order for me to hear them. I missed the first word, but the next few were, ‘… and thick, and pretty, and cute.’ I laughed, because I couldn’t help it. You have braces. You may have mistaken the laugh for a […]
In an open letter to last year’s harsh weather,
“Could it be that you’ve made me hardier? I now look at the forecast and think, ‘Nineteen degrees? Totally doable.’”
In an open letter to the woman who is saving a seat, whoops, I mean two seats in the restaurant,
“You don’t get to keep looking at me when your seat saving means that my son and I are standing. Well, not without me thinking disparaging thoughts about your appearance. I, however, do get to keep looking at you and the two empty seats next to you. I get to think, ‘you look like the […]
In an open letter to the Timehop Abe app,
“Thanks for pointing out just how much I use social media as a diary. The upside, though, is that everything is a little polished, and therefore not very cringeworthy. Thank you, also, for that.”
In an open letter to trivial, unimportant pleasures,
“I love you. I love you. I love you.”
In an open letter to the panties that tried to ruin my day,
“It’s a good thing that I took a look at the sweater I grabbed as I walked out the door before I put it on. At work. In front of someone. Please don’t ever hitch a ride via static cling again.”