“Did y’all have to train in order to achieve this? Is there a particular technique you use?”
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In an open letter to a self who realized that her tunic was caught in her backpack leaving her hind quarters kinda exposed,
“Yeah, so the exclaiming at yourself, ‘Great. Everything’s hanging out now!’ in a somewhat audible tone probably was not the best move.”
In an open letter to the middle-aged man sitting at an adjacent table talking to another middleaged man,
“Did you just say ‘sex couches’?”
In an open letter to the voice recognition software on her phone,
“So, here’s the thing. A human would know that if a certain four letter word has been used, that all of the following gerunds would feature a dropped g.”
In an open letter to autocorrect on the phone,
“Yes, I meant hotep, not hotel.”
In an open letter to the the senior citizen who veered off of his path to get a better look at my butt,
“Sir, my son told me all about that.”
In an open letter to the truck driver who drove by while making strong, direct eye contact with me as I applied my chapstick,
“Dude. That felt weird.”
In an open letter to the man at the store with an infant in his shopping cart,
“I bet your pre-baby body was slammin.’”
In an open letter to the gentleman who diagnosed the problem with my washing machine,
“Hi! I’m glad that you were able to tell me what the problem is. Thanks for that. I guess that I also appreciate your admiration of my president Pez dispensers. I was less of a fan of the way that you walked around them so that you could fully take them in. I didn’t mind […]
If the news has you feeling terrible #3,
I would advise you to protect your sacred spaces. If that’s your car, then protect your car space. If that’s your morning cup of coffee, then protect that cup of coffee. If that space is your sweet, sweet sleep, I advise you against having erotic dreams about the current president. Trust me on that last… Continue reading If the news has you feeling terrible #3,