“You don’t have the rack for that.”
Category: Uncategorized
In an open letter to the girl with the cute raspy voice having a loud personal conversation on the way to the plane,
“I wonder if that community service your ‘baby’ is doing at the soup kitchen, even though you want ‘baby’ to do it at your church instead, is court ordered.”
In an open letter to the nearby woman who is vigorously chewing at her nails,
“Here? With all these people nearby? With all these contaminated surfaces?”
In an open letter to Larry David,
“You are distracting me from all of the things.”
In an open letter to any of Alex’s future teachers,
“If he sees your belly meat, he is going to tell me about it.”
In an open letter to the man who eyed me hungrily and then said predictably questionable things to me,
“Have I not aged out of this level of leering?”
In an open letter to her boyfriend,
“If you don’t put that frozen pizza in the oven soon, I am going to lick your cabinet. I will leave it wet with slobber. You will never forget the image….”
In an open letter to the older Asian lady with a perm,
“I can’t help that the texture created by your chemical process reminds me of Muammar Qadaffi.”
In an open letter to the cashier at Target,
“A couple of days later, I wish I would have just told you that I have some irritated skin on my neck. Instead, I keep wondering what you thought when I bought two different ointments and nothing else.”
In an open letter to the woman at the store whom I judged,
“I didn’t set out to judge you. However, I allowed myself to be pulled down by your behavior at the deli. You, ma’am, are an anchor. You made sure that you got to the counter before I did, and then when the employee who served me was faster than the one who served you, you […]