“Girl, you got to stretch your hip flexors.”
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In an open letter to the vegan sloppy Joe that she ravished,
“Baby, you know, we can keep what between us to ourselves. I would not want to soil you’re fine reputation. But I was hungry, and you satisfied. I tried to be gentle, but I could not resist. I may be looking for you later in the middle of the night…”
In an open letter to the woman in front of her in the store who blocked the near by aisle diagonally,
“I blame my crankiness on being sick, but I have to wonder if there is a school, or at least a non-credit workshop, for what you did. You see, for a woman so dang small, you managed to take up a lot of space. Is this to make up for your tinyness? Does it make […]
Good Bye, 2014
2014. I’m going to go ahead and call it a good year. There are lots of things that were easier this year than they have been for several years and, let me tell you, I am stone cold grateful for every inch of that. I’ve been lucky enough to travel this year. Alex and I… Continue reading Good Bye, 2014
In an open letter to the prediction software on her phone,
“You make me feel like I speak strangely. You virtually never know what I want to say. The only thing you get right consistently are the articles….”
In an open letter to LeBron James,
“Because the people have decided to call you LBJ, if I ever decide to get a Lyndon Johnson tattoo, it will have to be of his face.”
In a peevish open letter to her son,
“You consistently wait until I clean up an area and then proceed to take up the entire area. This makes me angry every time. I tell you about this. And this is why when you wake up, having slept on the couch, that you are going to find a pile of your crap directly in […]
In an open letter to the beers sitting nearby,
“I am this close to singing Barry White songs to you. You see, my next work day is Friday which means it’s on. I gonna love you, love you, love you…..”
In an open letter to anyone who wants to work with me to make short movies,
“Can our first project be about the sweet nothings that people might whisper to their favorite foods just before they consume them? I see this as an erotic film.”
In an open letter to the woman who was getting too close to me at Meijer’s,
“You made my whole back side feel jumpy and uncomfortable as if you were back there staging an attack. If you hadn’t been so impatient and wanting to stand in the space where I was already standing, I wouldn’t have spent the few minutes to figure out how best to describe you when I talk […]