Tag: open letters

“You are standing so close that by butt feels insecure. I don’t like that. Back up?

“I would love to see your employee handbook, particularly the part about the uniform. I suspect to confirm that the phrase, “pack it all in there” is involved re: the pants….”

“You know, there are reasons that people pack their lunches and snacks in a separate bag than their purses. Did it really need to take a banana to drive that point home to you? Also, did your hunger level really justify you eating the remains of that banana over a trash can as you attempted […]

“Listen, I know you’re trying to squeeze it all in, but trying to change your clothes as you drove from picking up your son to your exercise was a bad move. You deserved to be tangled and exposed at the wheel. But, I do have to say that your resolve to look directly forward and […]

I’ve longed all day to be near you again. Tonight as I lay in bed, I depend on you to fill me with your stories.”

“It was nice of you to hold the door. But if you’re going to use it as an opportunity to take a long, lingering look at my butt as I walk through the door, you need to work on your timing. Had you delayed your staring for about 5 more seconds, I wouldn’t have seen […]

“You were driving behind me. I noticed you in my rear view mirror. As I stared at you, I think that you felt the heat of my gaze. I think it made you uncomfortable. That is the most sympathetic reason I can use to justify the way that you began to attack your nose. Your […]

“If you would have been paying closer attention, you would have seen your son digging deep between his flip-flopped toes. Wait…now I understand…you didn’t want to see that. You, sir, are a pro….”

“Ma’am, I would never have noticed the shape/s of your rump had you not used the toilet, then proceeded toward the pool without washing your hands. At least you flushed.”