“Today I tried to describe your voice to my son. I told him that you sound like warm, crumbly, buttery cookies. I successfully managed not to drool. However, he still looked quite horrified. I suppose that the pleasure of your voice is the sort of thing a Mama has got to enjoy on her own….”
Tag: open letters
In an open letter to the bicyclist who rode down the street with a swath of exposed buttocks,
“I suppose that this is no one’s fault, specifically, but I have been unable to stop thinking about cinnamon rolls since I saw you pedaling the other day. You see, the soft-looking flesh that I saw reminded me of this particular morning treat. It was like the second dough rising when the smooth buns rise […]
In an open letter to her body,
“You woke me up cause you’re hungry? At two-o-clock in the morning? Couldn’t you just have cannibalized some thigh meat or something? Not nice, body, not nice.”
In an open letter to the computer that turns on inconsistently,
“I thought you ate my novel. I’m glad that you didn’t eat my novel. Thanks for the chance to back it up!”
In an open letter to the gentleman with whom I had an involved, ranging conversation this afternoon,
“Because I am who I am, I am willing to remain in a conversation with anyone who brings up Jonathan Edwards. However, I could never have imagined that you would also bring up Greek communists during World War II and the exile that followed, John Engler v. Jennifer Granholm, mental health and the emergency room, […]
In an open letter to the gentleman with whom I had an involved, ranging conversation this afternoon,
“Because I am who I am, I am willing to remain in a conversation with anyone who brings up Jonathan Edwards. However, I could never have imagined that you would also bring up Greek communists during World War II and the exile that followed, John Engler v. Jennifer Granholm, mental health and the emergency room, […]
I open letter to the barista who is successfully working that whole Minnie Mouse vibe,
“How do you do it?”
In an open letter to her arms,
“Because I need to be decently groomed tomorrow, you are going to get a workout tonight. I will be as quick as I can with the flat iron, but you know how much hair is up there. You can do this.”
In an open letter to the ideas that fluttered into my mind when I was driving and unable to jot them down,
“Nobody likes a tease.”
In an open letter to Rod Stewart,
“Though, finding myself on the wrong side of this behavior too many times, I am opposed to one stranger reaching out to touch the hair of another without permission. That said, if I ever find myself in close proximity to you, I am going to try to touch your hair. My fingers itch with curiosity….”