“Sir, I have said this before, but I need to say it again; I am not used to this seasonal nudity. You, sir, almost caused me to walk right out into traffic with all your shirtlessness, and that tan, and those abs. You may just be a danger to innocent pedestrians. And, uh, can I come work out with you? You are doing something right….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Sir, I have said this before, but I need to say it again; I am not used to this seasonal nudity. You, sir, almost caused me to walk right out into traffic with all your shirtlessness, and that tan, and those abs. You may just be a danger to innocent pedestrians. And, uh, can I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[347,348,349,350],"class_list":["post-2422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","tag-aging-gracefully","tag-doing-something-right","tag-silver-fox","tag-tan","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-D4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2289,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/03\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-pulled-right-in-front-of-me-to-ensure-that-he-got-the-parking-spot-he-wanted-putting-my-toes-in-danger\/","url_meta":{"origin":2422,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the man who pulled right in front of me to ensure that he got the parking spot he wanted, putting my toes in danger,","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 14, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou, sir, are a jerk, and had I boy parts, I\u2019d have whipped out one of them and peed on your car. \u201c","rel":"","context":"In \"driving\"","block_context":{"text":"driving","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/driving\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4507,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/07\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-looked-at-my-breasts-hungrily-then-made-direct-eye-contact-with-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":2422,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the man who looked at my breasts hungrily, then made direct eye contact with me,","author":"sherlonya","date":"July 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI have never experienced a stare like that. You looked like you wanted to eat my bosom, literally, on a plate with fork and knife. Sir, you frightened me. I wanted to cradle my lady shelf in my arms. I felt a need to protect them. That and to walk\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2377,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-four-legs-i-saw-this-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":2422,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the four legs I saw this morning,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYoung ladies, if you are going to wear panty-length shorts before us Michiganders are accustomed to seasonal nudity, I suggest you stick to sidewalks instead of walking precariously on the edge of the road. Be safe!\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"legs\"","block_context":{"text":"legs","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/legs\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5148,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-asked-me-whether-my-son-was-my-boyfriend\/","url_meta":{"origin":2422,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the man who asked me whether my son was my boyfriend,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 3, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cBasically everything that you said, sir, were inside thoughts that you let out. Especially the part where I informed you that the young man was my son and you responded with, \u2018I was thinking he got himself a good looking girl\u2026.\u201d\u00a0","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4130,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/11\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-high-school-teacher-who-once-said-toasked-of-me-you-dont-do-that-lil-kim-stuff-do-you\/","url_meta":{"origin":2422,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the high school teacher who once said to\/asked of me, \u201cYou don\u2019t do that Lil\u2019 Kim stuff, do you?\u201d","author":"sherlonya","date":"November 19, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cGross. I think that you were making an allusion to the rumor circulating during that time that Lil\u2019 Kim had her stomach pumped for, uh, let\u2019s just say, big girl reasons. But, I could be wrong; I\u2019ve never been great at putting together these sorts of things. What I do\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2736,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-a-really-good-haircut\/","url_meta":{"origin":2422,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the man with a really good haircut,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201c\u2026.Keep on doing what you\u2019re doing. Your haircut was captivating, danger. I saw it when I was waiting to cross the street. My eyes didn\u2019t make it past your hair. Your salt and pepper was perfectly seasoned. I stared as you passed until I saw the walk sign. I thought\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2422"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2422\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}