“Sweetie, if you bring a trash bag full of crap–oh, I’m sorry, your stuff–home from school and then proceed to leave that bag in the middle of the floor, I am going to put said bag on your bed. \u00a0That is all.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Sweetie, if you bring a trash bag full of crap–oh, I’m sorry, your stuff–home from school and then proceed to leave that bag in the middle of the floor, I am going to put said bag on your bed. That is all.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[361,362,363,364],"class_list":["post-2440","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","tag-consequences","tag-crap","tag-junk","tag-stuff","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-Dm","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2665,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/07\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-neighbor-swinging-his-trash-bag-like-a-dandy-might-swing-his-cane\/","url_meta":{"origin":2440,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the neighbor swinging his trash bag like a dandy might swing his cane,","author":"sherlonya","date":"July 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cDude, you are much braver than I am. I sincerely hope that your garbage doesn\u2019t wind up on your head.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3356,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-herself-in-reference-to-the-purse-incident\/","url_meta":{"origin":2440,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to herself in reference to the purse incident,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 29, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou know, there are reasons that people pack their lunches and snacks in a separate bag than their purses. Did it really need to take a banana to drive that point home to you? Also, did your hunger level really justify you eating the remains of that banana over a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4216,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/12\/in-a-peevish-open-letter-to-her-son\/","url_meta":{"origin":2440,"position":2},"title":"In a peevish open letter to her son,","author":"sherlonya","date":"December 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou consistently wait until I clean up an area and then proceed to take up the entire area. This makes me angry every time. I tell you about this. And this is why when you wake up, having slept on the couch, that you are going to find a pile\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "parenthood"","block_context":{"text":"parenthood","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/parenthood\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2760,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/08\/lunch-bags\/","url_meta":{"origin":2440,"position":3},"title":"Lunch bags","author":"admin","date":"August 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"One day, my son decided to go to bed early. It was one of those weird times when a child pretty much says, \"Bye, I'm going to bed.\" Then he yawns, then he disappears into the night. So, given this unexpected quiet time, I decided to make him a special\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "alex"","block_context":{"text":"alex","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/family\/alex\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4274,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-who-needs-to-put-on-some-better-fitting-underwear\/","url_meta":{"origin":2440,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her son who needs to put on some better-fitting underwear,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 7, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, those boxers are so tight that the flap has pulled open in desperation. Son, can\u2019t you feel that chill on your penis? It looks like someone getting ready to skydive, like any moment it\u2019s going to come tumbling out of there. See, sweetie, you\u2019ve reached the age where I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3552,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/08\/last-day-of-camplunch-bags\/","url_meta":{"origin":2440,"position":5},"title":"Last Day of Camp|Lunch Bags","author":"admin","date":"August 22, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Today is the last day of Alex's summer camp which he loves quite a bit. I love being able to drop him off somewhere for fun in the summer knowing that he enjoys the heck out of it. Throughout summer camp, there are a variety of field trips. 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