“When I saw the confidence with which you used four fingers to scratch your butt deeply. I was sure you were going to smell your fingers. Instead you used that hand to dig in your ear. While you are cute, your pleasant face did not overcome these indiscretions….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“When I saw the confidence with which you used four fingers to scratch your butt deeply. I was sure you were going to smell your fingers. Instead you used that hand to dig in your ear. While you are cute, your pleasant face did not overcome these indiscretions….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[388,389],"class_list":["post-2446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","tag-scratching","tag-sticky-fingers","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-Ds","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2348,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/old-hickory\/","url_meta":{"origin":2446,"position":0},"title":"Old Hickory","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Face-to-face with a twenty dollar bill, You imagine those bony fingers first separatingyour hair, gently, then less so, grasping, leveraging your head groundward. You can smell him, all sweat and adventure, acrid. You inhale deeply. You feel the stones beneath you, your face in the grass, the dirt. He bites.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"Andrew Jackson\"","block_context":{"text":"Andrew Jackson","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/andrew-jackson\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5179,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-lady-who-reached-over-my-shopping-cart-in-the-store-in-order-to-start-putting-her-items-on-the-belt\/","url_meta":{"origin":2446,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the lady who reached over my shopping cart in the store in order to start putting her items on the belt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI sensed a little anger from you because I didn\u2019t move my shopping cart forward when you thought I should. However, your four-year-old\u2019s fingers were a couple inches away from the wheels of the cart, so I decided to, you know, spare his fingers. I\u2019m trying to be a better\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "parenthood"","block_context":{"text":"parenthood","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/parenthood\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3340,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-at-the-gym-with-the-very-interestingly-shaped-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":2446,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the woman at the gym with the very interestingly shaped butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cMa\u2019am, I would never have noticed the shape\/s of your rump had you not used the toilet, then proceeded toward the pool without washing your hands. At least you flushed.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2494,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-another-girl-wearing-microscopic-shorts\/","url_meta":{"origin":2446,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to another girl wearing microscopic shorts,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou definitely have the body for short shorts. I\u2019ll give you that. But, honey, your butt is so flat that at first I couldn\u2019t tell I was looking at a butt cheek. I thought I was looking at a wrinkle. Another inch on those shorts and your business wouldn\u2019t be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3299,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/03\/in-an-open-letter-to-rod-stewart\/","url_meta":{"origin":2446,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to Rod Stewart,","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThough, finding myself on the wrong side of this behavior too many times, I am opposed to one stranger reaching out to touch the hair of another without permission. That said, if I ever find myself in close proximity to you, I am going to try to touch your hair.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "hair"","block_context":{"text":"hair","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/hair\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5026,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-the-senior-citizen-who-veered-off-of-his-path-to-get-a-better-look-at-my-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":2446,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the the senior citizen who veered off of his path to get a better look at my butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 21, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSir, my son told me all about that.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2446","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2446"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2446\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2446"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2446"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2446"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}