“Please, please, please tell me that you are a child, preferably someone between the ages of 7 and 11. If you are a child, you’ve scored success; I’m taking my car to the car wash today. If you are not a child, I find this more than a little creepy.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Please, please, please tell me that you are a child, preferably someone between the ages of 7 and 11. If you are a child, you’ve scored success; I’m taking my car to the car wash today. If you are not a child, I find this more than a little creepy.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[390,391,392,393],"class_list":["post-2447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","tag-children","tag-dirty-cars","tag-greetings","tag-shenanigans","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-Dt","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2401,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-the-morris-day-hair\/","url_meta":{"origin":2447,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the man with the Morris Day hair,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI couldn\u2019t help myself. Your hair caught my eye early this morning. I didn\u2019t want to be all obvious about getting a closer look. I\u2019m afraid that this made me behave in a creepy fashion, inching my car slowly forward and looking at you not by turning my head, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "hair"","block_context":{"text":"hair","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/hair\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2443,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-daddy-yankee-pandora-station\/","url_meta":{"origin":2447,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to her Daddy Yankee Pandora station,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI regret to inform you that I can no longer listen to you at work. You see, there is something about this music that makes my hips move involuntarily. This is inappropriate at best and probably most likely creepy\/downright gross. Additionally, this music both makes me mouth lyrics (not a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3991,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/11\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-parent-who-impatiently-blew-her-horn-at-me-when-my-son-was-kissing-me-goodbye\/","url_meta":{"origin":2447,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the parent who impatiently blew her horn at me when my son was kissing me goodbye,","author":"sherlonya","date":"November 3, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cMy immediate thought was that you were jealous because your child doesn\u2019t kiss you every morning. Then I just thought you were selfish because you wanted to get out so quickly and wanted me to move even though there was plenty of space for you to back up and then\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "parenthood"","block_context":{"text":"parenthood","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/parenthood\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4786,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/traffic-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":2447,"position":3},"title":"Traffic #2","author":"admin","date":"June 24, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Megan noticed, as all women learn to at one point or another, that it was taking all of the effort that he had to keep his eyes aimed at hers. Upon reaching his car, she had realized her power, his vulnerability. And who said she wasn\u2019t spontaneous? Gary had said\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Traffic"","block_context":{"text":"Traffic","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/writing\/traffic\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"serialnovel","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/serialnovel.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2419,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-upstairs-neighbor\/","url_meta":{"origin":2447,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her upstairs neighbor,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 30, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPlease, please, please tell me that you\u2019re up there rapping without any music. Otherwise, the force of your words, the sheer volume of them and the lack of pausing for taking a breath is very disturbing\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4430,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-in-the-waiting-room-who-is-now-talking-about-someones-money-situation\/","url_meta":{"origin":2447,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the man in the waiting room who is now talking about someone\u2019s money situation,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 27, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWhile you might not be able to understand how someone goes \u2018from having a problem to not having a problem,\u2019 so fast, I can think of a number of ways that can happen. Also, you\u2019re never going to convince a woman who\u2019s giving her child money\u00a0that she shouldn\u2019t if that\u2019s\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2447","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2447"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2447\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}