“You definitely have the body for short shorts. I’ll give you that. But, honey, your butt is so flat that at first I couldn’t tell I was looking at a butt cheek. I thought I was looking at a wrinkle. Another inch on those shorts and your business wouldn’t be all our in the streets….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“You definitely have the body for short shorts. I’ll give you that. But, honey, your butt is so flat that at first I couldn’t tell I was looking at a butt cheek. I thought I was looking at a wrinkle. Another inch on those shorts and your business wouldn’t be all our in the streets….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[198,405,406,407],"class_list":["post-2494","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","tag-bodies","tag-butts","tag-confidence","tag-questions","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-Ee","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3698,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-tall-girl-wearing-very-short-shorts\/","url_meta":{"origin":2494,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the tall girl wearing very short shorts,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 23, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt was difficult not to look at your crotch because I wondered whether your shorts were successfully covering your lady bits. I also wondered whether those shorts hurt. But that\u2019s none of my business\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3977,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-girl-in-the-thigh-highs-who-i-think-was-also-wearing-short-shorts\/","url_meta":{"origin":2494,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the girl in the thigh highs who I think was also wearing short shorts,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 31, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI didn\u2019t actually see any shorts, so I\u2019m being presumptuous here. I, however, am not being presumptuous when I\u2019m guessing that you were cold, very cold. But, it\u2019s your thing; do what you wanna do\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5058,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-in-very-short-shorts-and-fishnet-stockings\/","url_meta":{"origin":2494,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the woman in very short shorts and fishnet stockings,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 17, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIf this were a Nelly concert I would think you were thematically dressed, letting it fall out and all. If this were Morris Day and the Time I would think you were paying Homage.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4479,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-iphone\/","url_meta":{"origin":2494,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to her iPhone,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPlease don\u2019t ever again suggest that what I mean is \u2018but gun.\u2019 Not only is that something I\u2019ll never mean, I misread it as \u2018butt gun\u2019.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2377,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-four-legs-i-saw-this-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":2494,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the four legs I saw this morning,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYoung ladies, if you are going to wear panty-length shorts before us Michiganders are accustomed to seasonal nudity, I suggest you stick to sidewalks instead of walking precariously on the edge of the road. Be safe!\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"legs\"","block_context":{"text":"legs","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/legs\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3341,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-held-the-door-for-me-today\/","url_meta":{"origin":2494,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the man who held the door for me today,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 21, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt was nice of you to hold the door. But if you\u2019re going to use it as an opportunity to take a long, lingering look at my butt as I walk through the door, you need to work on your timing. Had you delayed your staring for about 5 more\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2494","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2494"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2494\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2494"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2494"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2494"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}