“Ma’am, I know that I am one of those people who can be weird about personal space, but next time you get on a gym machine directly next to someone else, you might not want to wear the perfume that makes the person next to you feel like she’s tasting circus peanuts.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Ma’am, I know that I am one of those people who can be weird about personal space, but next time you get on a gym machine directly next to someone else, you might not want to wear the perfume that makes the person next to you feel like she’s tasting circus peanuts.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[416,417,418],"class_list":["post-2534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","tag-candy-sweet","tag-circus-peanuts","tag-sweat","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-ES","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4321,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-john-boehner\/","url_meta":{"origin":2534,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to John Boehner,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI mean this in the least erotic way possible, but sometimes I wonder what your face skin feels like beneath tentative fingertips. Then I want to eat some circus peanuts. I don\u2019t even like circus peanuts\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3340,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-at-the-gym-with-the-very-interestingly-shaped-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":2534,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the woman at the gym with the very interestingly shaped butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cMa\u2019am, I would never have noticed the shape\/s of your rump had you not used the toilet, then proceeded toward the pool without washing your hands. At least you flushed.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4634,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-at-the-store-whom-i-judged\/","url_meta":{"origin":2534,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the woman at the store whom I judged,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI didn\u2019t set out to judge you. However, I allowed myself to be pulled down by your behavior at the deli. You, ma\u2019am, are an anchor. You made sure that you got to the counter before I did, and then when the employee who served me was faster than the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3094,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/12\/in-an-open-an-open-letter-to-herself\/","url_meta":{"origin":2534,"position":3},"title":"In an open an open letter to herself,","author":"sherlonya","date":"December 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIf you do not go to the gym for a long time, but then go spend 40 minutes on a treadmill constantly playing with the incline and the speed, and then follow that with squats and ab exercises that you used to do but don\u2019 t do anymore, things will\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4180,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/12\/the-globetrotter\/","url_meta":{"origin":2534,"position":4},"title":"The Globetrotter","author":"admin","date":"December 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Jimmy Carter is one of the presidents that comes up when I talk to strangers about this strange Head of State Cakes projects. Everyone bets that the Jimmy Carter cupcake features peanuts or peanut butter. \u00a0Jimmy Carter means more to me than having been a peanut farmer. Jimmy Carter is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "baking"","block_context":{"text":"baking","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/baking\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"carter1","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/headofstatecakes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/carter1-1024x682.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/headofstatecakes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/carter1-1024x682.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/headofstatecakes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/carter1-1024x682.gif?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":4778,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/traffic-1\/","url_meta":{"origin":2534,"position":5},"title":"Traffic #1","author":"admin","date":"June 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Megan sat in her unreliable Plymouth Reliant in 85 degree, remind-you-of-a-moist-mouth, Michigan summer heat. 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