“I simply did not understand the physics of your pants. They didn’t appear to be shifting around. In fact, they seemed rather snug. The exception, though, was the crotch baggies. I just don’t understand how your pants could be so tight, yet so loose. Is there a class on this for which I can register?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“I simply did not understand the physics of your pants. They didn’t appear to be shifting around. In fact, they seemed rather snug. The exception, though, was the crotch baggies. I just don’t understand how your pants could be so tight, yet so loose. Is there a class on this for which I can register?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[198,510,511],"class_list":["post-2624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","tag-bodies","tag-gawking","tag-physics","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-Gk","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5186,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-senior-citizen-who-stared-directly-into-my-crotch-as-he-shopped-with-his-lady-at-costco\/","url_meta":{"origin":2624,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the senior citizen who stared directly into my crotch as he shopped with his lady at Costco,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWait, is the fountain of youth in my pants? Otherwise, I have no viable reason for that sort of penetrating look.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4358,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-portly-gentleman-in-synthetic-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2624,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the portly gentleman in synthetic pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am upset by the visibility of your junk. This is my problem; I understand this.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3917,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-middle-aged-woman-wearing-thin-stretch-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2624,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the middle aged woman wearing thin stretch pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 20, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt took me a minute to figure out what your backside reminded me of. It seemed so familiar and I couldn\u2019t place it until it came to me all at once. Calf liver!!\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4392,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-wearing-very-thin-very-tight-khakis-this-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":2624,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the woman wearing very thin, very tight khakis this morning,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 26, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cOne glance and my mind went crazy. It looked like your underwear was pressing equally hard into your flesh as it was into the thin pants you wore. But it is the thought of the sweet, sweet relief that you must feel when you take those things off that captivated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4471,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/03\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-whose-exposed-chestbreast-region-made-me-think-of-two-words-akimbo-and-splayed\/","url_meta":{"origin":2624,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the woman whose exposed chest\/breast region made me think of two words, \u201cakimbo\u201d and \u201csplayed,\u201d","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 18, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt\u2019s yo\u2019 thang. Do what you wanna do and all, but I couldn\u2019t figure out whether that whole look you had going on was purposeful. Also, I just don\u2019t understand the physics of the way your shirt sat.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5066,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-walking-across-campus-with-a-confident-strut-and-the-comfortable-looking-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2624,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the woman walking across campus with a confident strut and the comfortable looking pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cBravo. You look like you know how to live. Those pants looked so comfortable, yet stylish. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step. Your panties, however, did not look so comfortable. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2624","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2624"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2624\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2624"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2624"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2624"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}