“Excuse me for thinking that you were walking down the street wearing a home-fashioned red and blue striped loin cloth. \u00a0I now know that it was your shirt tucked into the front of your pants. Turns out that just a few weeks ago, I saw a man walking down the street wearing nothing but his saggy boxer-briefs. So when I saw your unabashed shirtlessness, I just assumed you weren’t wearing any pants either. I can’t believe I even looked twice, but that’s when I noticed that your pants color and your skin color are identical. I wonder, was this a custom order?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Excuse me for thinking that you were walking down the street wearing a home-fashioned red and blue striped loin cloth. I now know that it was your shirt tucked into the front of your pants. Turns out that just a few weeks ago, I saw a man walking down the street wearing nothing but his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[331],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2789","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-IZ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4769,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/so-i-think-someone-tried-to-buy-sex-from-me-this-afternoon\/","url_meta":{"origin":2789,"position":0},"title":"So, I think someone tried to buy sex from me this afternoon","author":"admin","date":"June 16, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"It has been a while since I have felt genuine fear when approached by a man, and I don\u2019t miss that feeling at all. This story starts weeks ago. I was on a lunch break walking to a nearby restaurant, when I took an alternate route in order to avoid\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "stranger than fiction"","block_context":{"text":"stranger than fiction","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/stranger-than-fiction\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3643,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-police-officers-i-saw-just-as-i-drove-from-new-jersey-to-new-york\/","url_meta":{"origin":2789,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the police officers I saw just as I drove from New Jersey to New York,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYour uniforms! You need to let the other people know where you ordered your pants. I saw a number of officers handling something or other and each of them looked good in those pants. Really good. I\u2019m still thinking about it three weeks later good. Nice work.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5066,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-walking-across-campus-with-a-confident-strut-and-the-comfortable-looking-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2789,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the woman walking across campus with a confident strut and the comfortable looking pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cBravo. You look like you know how to live. Those pants looked so comfortable, yet stylish. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step. Your panties, however, did not look so comfortable. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2535,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-men-who-wear-pants-that-uh-accentuate-their-silhouettes\/","url_meta":{"origin":2789,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to men who wear pants that, uh, accentuate their silhouettes,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am no junk-gazer, but some of you are wearing pants these days that make it hard to concentrate. Not in an ooh-and ah way, for the record. No, this is more in a \u2018Wait. Was that? I think that was\u2026what is going on here? kind of way.\u2019 It is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3412,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/07\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-wearing-the-short-sleeved-sweater\/","url_meta":{"origin":2789,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the woman wearing the short-sleeved sweater,","author":"sherlonya","date":"July 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt was probably about 6 weeks ago when I saw you. I don\u2019t know whether I was hypnotized, mesmerized, or generally confused. Short sleeved sweaters always confuse me. Yours threw in an additional twist because of the mohair-like texture. When I took a closer look, I saw that your sweater\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3917,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-middle-aged-woman-wearing-thin-stretch-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2789,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the middle aged woman wearing thin stretch pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 20, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt took me a minute to figure out what your backside reminded me of. It seemed so familiar and I couldn\u2019t place it until it came to me all at once. Calf liver!!\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2789","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2789"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2789\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2810,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2789\/revisions\/2810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}