“I don’t get to say this often, but you were working those polyester pants.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“I don’t get to say this often, but you were working those polyester pants.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-2977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-M1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4360,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-girls-running-around-in-this-hotel\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the girls running around in this hotel,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 14, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI know that lots of people say that leggings aren\u2019t pants, but what I need to say is that tights aren\u2019t pants. Tights. Are. Not. Pants.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2624,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-in-stretchy-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the woman in stretchy pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 15, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI simply did not understand the physics of your pants. They didn\u2019t appear to be shifting around. In fact, they seemed rather snug. The exception, though, was the crotch baggies. I just don\u2019t understand how your pants could be so tight, yet so loose. Is there a class on this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2535,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-men-who-wear-pants-that-uh-accentuate-their-silhouettes\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to men who wear pants that, uh, accentuate their silhouettes,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am no junk-gazer, but some of you are wearing pants these days that make it hard to concentrate. Not in an ooh-and ah way, for the record. No, this is more in a \u2018Wait. Was that? I think that was\u2026what is going on here? kind of way.\u2019 It is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4358,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-portly-gentleman-in-synthetic-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the portly gentleman in synthetic pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am upset by the visibility of your junk. This is my problem; I understand this.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5066,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-walking-across-campus-with-a-confident-strut-and-the-comfortable-looking-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the woman walking across campus with a confident strut and the comfortable looking pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cBravo. You look like you know how to live. Those pants looked so comfortable, yet stylish. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step. Your panties, however, did not look so comfortable. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4291,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-blonde-woman-in-leather-pants-whose-hair-was-the-same-color-as-her-ivory-sweater\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the blonde woman in leather pants whose hair was the same color as her ivory sweater,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 12, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI\u2019ll keep this short. Hair mask.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "hair"","block_context":{"text":"hair","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/hair\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2977"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}