“You chill my soul. I quake in fear whenever we encounter each other. I know that you’re not supposed to sling around the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ in relationships, but ours has never been a healthy one. You always make me worry about my health. I am always concerned by all of those moist surfaces. There’s always way more wetness than seems necessary.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“You chill my soul. I quake in fear whenever we encounter each other. I know that you’re not supposed to sling around the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ in relationships, but ours has never been a healthy one. You always make me worry about my health. I am always concerned by all of those moist surfaces. […] <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[593,764],"class_list":["post-3024","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-gross","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-MM","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4662,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-nearby-woman-who-is-vigorously-chewing-at-her-nails\/","url_meta":{"origin":3024,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the nearby woman who is vigorously chewing at her nails,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 15, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cHere? With all these people nearby? With all these contaminated surfaces?\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4274,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-who-needs-to-put-on-some-better-fitting-underwear\/","url_meta":{"origin":3024,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to her son who needs to put on some better-fitting underwear,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 7, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, those boxers are so tight that the flap has pulled open in desperation. Son, can\u2019t you feel that chill on your penis? It looks like someone getting ready to skydive, like any moment it\u2019s going to come tumbling out of there. See, sweetie, you\u2019ve reached the age where I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":649,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2010\/05\/love-letter\/","url_meta":{"origin":3024,"position":2},"title":"Love letter","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 7, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Dear fiber, I am sorry that my recent culinary forays have led me to forsake you. Really, I am sorry. I will not ever forget the good times we have had, \u00a0your study mouthfeel. The way you have always made me feel, after an encounter with you, that I have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "cooking"","block_context":{"text":"cooking","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/cooking\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/DSCN1021-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4186,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/12\/words-words-words\/","url_meta":{"origin":3024,"position":3},"title":"Words, Words, Words","author":"sherlonya","date":"December 13, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A writer, I often like to turn to a dictionary when I\u2019m attempting to learn about something. This project is no different. So, I consulted, first, the Oxford English Dictionary, widely accepted as the authority on the English language. The OED not only defines words, but digs into their history.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Mathematics of a Race Riot"","block_context":{"text":"Mathematics of a Race Riot","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/mathematics-of-a-race-riot\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5327,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2019\/12\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-white-haired-gentleman-in-the-toyota-camry\/","url_meta":{"origin":3024,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the white haired gentleman in the Toyota Camry,","author":"sherlonya","date":"December 21, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWhat an impressive head of hair. I mean, the rest of us are supposed to keep an eye on the road\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2419,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-upstairs-neighbor\/","url_meta":{"origin":3024,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to her upstairs neighbor,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 30, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPlease, please, please tell me that you\u2019re up there rapping without any music. Otherwise, the force of your words, the sheer volume of them and the lack of pausing for taking a breath is very disturbing\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3024","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3024"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3024\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3024"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3024"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3024"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}