“Dude, you didn’t think I’d text your dad when you told me that you had a shower today. Thing is, if you tell me that you had a shower today and you tell me that you put on deodorant and your armpits smell somewhere between zesty and piquant, then something is wrong. You probably should learn now that if I think something’s wrong, then I’m going to investigate. Turns out in this case, what’s wrong are the words coming out of your mouth. I don’t like that.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Dude, you didn’t think I’d text your dad when you told me that you had a shower today. Thing is, if you tell me that you had a shower today and you tell me that you put on deodorant and your armpits smell somewhere between zesty and piquant, then something is wrong. You probably should […] <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[205,1],"tags":[764,292],"class_list":["post-3210","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenthood","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","tag-stank","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-PM","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2723,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-wrong-and-uncouth-mind\/","url_meta":{"origin":3210,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to her wrong and uncouth mind,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWhy do you do this to me, fill me up with thoughts that are too strange to ever utter aloud? Why do you get started so early? At least this morning I was in the shower where I could metaphorically cleanse myself while I actually cleansed myself. Give a gal\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3071,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/12\/in-an-open-letter-to-t-i\/","url_meta":{"origin":3210,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to T. I.,","author":"sherlonya","date":"December 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cDude, I don\u2019t even really listen to your genre, as you can tell both to my use of the word dude earlier in this sentence, and also \u00a0by my non-lyrical, non-ironic self-referencing sentence. However, I have to confess to you that \u2018Why You Wanna\u2019 is my current power song. 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Had you been nicer, I probably would have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4818,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/01\/traffic-4\/","url_meta":{"origin":3210,"position":3},"title":"Traffic #4","author":"admin","date":"January 5, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Megan. She gets worked up over everything. It\u2019s not like I called her a high school English\u00a0teacher. Uptight. That\u2019s what she is. Thank God I didn\u2019t call her that. And now I have to go buy her something. When we met she was\u00a0different, but she changed. They always go and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Traffic"","block_context":{"text":"Traffic","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/writing\/traffic\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/serialnovel.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":248,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2009\/09\/day-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":3210,"position":4},"title":"Day 2","author":"admin","date":"September 10, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The thing about vowing to dedicate a year to creativity is to find the time for it. Today was one of those days when time was more scarce than it should be. 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Apparently you were really getting into it. 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