{"id":3289,"date":"2014-02-17T16:19:50","date_gmt":"2014-02-17T21:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/openletters\/?p=2009"},"modified":"2014-02-17T16:19:50","modified_gmt":"2014-02-17T21:19:50","slug":"in-an-open-letter-to-all-of-these-old-people-in-bathing-suits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-all-of-these-old-people-in-bathing-suits\/","title":{"rendered":"In an open letter to all of these old people in bathing suits,"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;The writer in me is being overwhelmed with the many similes that are appropriate to describe these many textures.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;The writer in me is being overwhelmed with the many similes that are appropriate to describe these many textures.&#8221; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-3289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-R3","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3286,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-jilted-novel\/","url_meta":{"origin":3289,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to her jilted novel,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 13, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI have to admit that you were a convenient receptacle for my basest and most reprehensible thoughts. You loved it when I let pretty words dance together in order to describe something disgusting. That\u2019s all you\u2019re getting out of me\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In &quot;writing&quot;","block_context":{"text":"writing","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2551,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-kool-and-the-gang\/","url_meta":{"origin":3289,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to Kool and the Gang,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cToday, I ruined your song \u2018Fresh\u2019 for myself. You see, you describe someone as \u2018fresh as a summer breeze.\u2019 Clearly, whoever wrote this song did not frequent democratic gathering spots such as a bus stop or the Secretary of State office. At these places, the summer breeze can be anything\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;open letters&quot;","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3335,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-michael-macdonald\/","url_meta":{"origin":3289,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to Michael MacDonald,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 3, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cToday I tried to describe your voice to my son. I told him that you sound like warm, crumbly, buttery cookies. I successfully managed not to drool. However, he still looked quite horrified. I suppose that the pleasure of your voice is the sort of thing a Mama has got\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2621,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":3289,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to her son,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cDude, today I heard you snapping as music played\u2026and let\u2019s just say this; it is intentional that I did not describe it as snapping to the music. How is this possible? You were weirdly early, sporadically. I never understand this in people. The beat is so audible, so predictable, so\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;open letters&quot;","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4198,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/12\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-who-was-getting-too-close-to-me-at-meijers\/","url_meta":{"origin":3289,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the woman who was getting too close to me at Meijer\u2019s,","author":"sherlonya","date":"December 20, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou made my whole back side feel jumpy and uncomfortable as if you were back there staging an attack. If you hadn\u2019t been so impatient and wanting to stand in the space where I was already standing, I wouldn\u2019t have spent the few minutes to figure out how best to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2951,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-hall-and-oates\/","url_meta":{"origin":3289,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to Hall and Oates,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThank you, thank you, thank you for being appropriate background music for working. I don\u2019t have to worry about you saying something that will embarrass all parties if someone happens to walk in. 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