“Ma’am, I would never have noticed the shape\/s of your rump had you not used the toilet, then proceeded toward the pool without washing your hands. At least you flushed.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Ma’am, I would never have noticed the shape\/s of your rump had you not used the toilet, then proceeded toward the pool without washing your hands. At least you flushed.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-3340","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-RS","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5138,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-old-enough-to-be-my-father-who-grabbed-my-rump-during-a-public-event-celebrating-the-eclipse\/","url_meta":{"origin":3340,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the man old enough to be my father who grabbed my rump during a public event celebrating the eclipse,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 22, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI wish I would have \u2018accidentally\u2019 stepped on your foot. Hard. Also, is there no stolen touches etiquette? A more polite way to violate a stranger? Couldn\u2019t you have done with a knuckle graze rather than an actual deliberate squeeze? Also, couldn\u2019t you grab and go rather than stay nearby.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3596,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-lady-whose-pockets-i-can-see-peeking-out-from-the-bottom-of-her-cut-off-shorts\/","url_meta":{"origin":3340,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the lady whose pockets I can see peeking out from the bottom of her cut-off shorts,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 26, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI can see your rump. And I think we are about one half centimeter away from me seeing some of your more gender specific parts.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4634,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-at-the-store-whom-i-judged\/","url_meta":{"origin":3340,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the woman at the store whom I judged,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI didn\u2019t set out to judge you. However, I allowed myself to be pulled down by your behavior at the deli. You, ma\u2019am, are an anchor. You made sure that you got to the counter before I did, and then when the employee who served me was faster than the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2534,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-pregnant-woman-who-shimmied-and-squeezed-in-order-to-avoid-walking-the-long-way-to-the-elliptical-machine-next-to-mine\/","url_meta":{"origin":3340,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the pregnant woman who shimmied and squeezed in order to avoid walking the long way to the elliptical machine next to mine,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cMa\u2019am, I know that I am one of those people who can be weird about personal space, but next time you get on a gym machine directly next to someone else, you might not want to wear the perfume that makes the person next to you feel like she\u2019s tasting\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2584,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-an-impressively-round-belly\/","url_meta":{"origin":3340,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the man with an impressively round belly,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI must confess it was the slice of skin made visible by the deficit between the bottom of your shirt and the top of your pants that first caught my eye. Then I noticed just how round your belly was. It was as if the gods scooped it from a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4118,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/11\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-sat-beside-mealmost-atop-me-on-the-plane\/","url_meta":{"origin":3340,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the man who sat beside me\/almost atop me on the plane,","author":"sherlonya","date":"November 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI have to tell you, I didn\u2019t see it coming. You looked so neutrally friendly as you approached our row. Then you proceeded to take up about one quarter of my seat, not because your size required it, but because\u2026 Well, only you can answer that one. 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