“It was nice of you to hold the door. But if you’re going to use it as an opportunity to take a long, lingering look at my butt as I walk through the door, you need to work on your timing. Had you delayed your staring for about 5 more seconds, I wouldn’t have seen that voracious glance…..”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“It was nice of you to hold the door. But if you’re going to use it as an opportunity to take a long, lingering look at my butt as I walk through the door, you need to work on your timing. Had you delayed your staring for about 5 more seconds, I wouldn’t have seen […] <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-3341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-RT","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2494,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-another-girl-wearing-microscopic-shorts\/","url_meta":{"origin":3341,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to another girl wearing microscopic shorts,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou definitely have the body for short shorts. I\u2019ll give you that. But, honey, your butt is so flat that at first I couldn\u2019t tell I was looking at a butt cheek. I thought I was looking at a wrinkle. Another inch on those shorts and your business wouldn\u2019t be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3909,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-a-man-whom-i-watched-close-his-front-door-for-an-extended-period-of-time\/","url_meta":{"origin":3341,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to a man whom I watched close his front door for an extended period of time,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 23, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI noticed you because of your bright sweat shirt. Then I saw you close your door, and then lock it. Then you pulled at your door handle. Then you jiggled it. Then you repeated the jiggling. Then you tried to turn the handle. Then you jiggled it some more. Then\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1921,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2012\/06\/summer-sweetness\/","url_meta":{"origin":3341,"position":2},"title":"Summer Sweetness","author":"admin","date":"June 3, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"The warmer parts of the year are my favorite. Each year, however, they seem to go by in a flash. This year, I am determined to savor the summery bits. This means spending time with the sliding door open. This means walks out doors. This means making things like lemonade.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/limeade-1024x729.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2446,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-cute-guy-she-saw-digging-in-his-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":3341,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the cute guy she saw digging in his butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWhen I saw the confidence with which you used four fingers to scratch your butt deeply. I was sure you were going to smell your fingers. Instead you used that hand to dig in your ear. While you are cute, your pleasant face did not overcome these indiscretions\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5026,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-the-senior-citizen-who-veered-off-of-his-path-to-get-a-better-look-at-my-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":3341,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the the senior citizen who veered off of his path to get a better look at my butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 21, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSir, my son told me all about that.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3340,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-at-the-gym-with-the-very-interestingly-shaped-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":3341,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the woman at the gym with the very interestingly shaped butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cMa\u2019am, I would never have noticed the shape\/s of your rump had you not used the toilet, then proceeded toward the pool without washing your hands. At least you flushed.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3341"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3341\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}