“You are standing so close that by butt feels insecure. I don’t like that. Back up?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“You are standing so close that by butt feels insecure. I don’t like that. Back up? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-3388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-SE","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2446,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-cute-guy-she-saw-digging-in-his-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":3388,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the cute guy she saw digging in his butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWhen I saw the confidence with which you used four fingers to scratch your butt deeply. I was sure you were going to smell your fingers. Instead you used that hand to dig in your ear. While you are cute, your pleasant face did not overcome these indiscretions\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5026,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-the-senior-citizen-who-veered-off-of-his-path-to-get-a-better-look-at-my-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":3388,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the the senior citizen who veered off of his path to get a better look at my butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 21, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSir, my son told me all about that.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2494,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-another-girl-wearing-microscopic-shorts\/","url_meta":{"origin":3388,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to another girl wearing microscopic shorts,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou definitely have the body for short shorts. I\u2019ll give you that. But, honey, your butt is so flat that at first I couldn\u2019t tell I was looking at a butt cheek. I thought I was looking at a wrinkle. Another inch on those shorts and your business wouldn\u2019t be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3340,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-at-the-gym-with-the-very-interestingly-shaped-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":3388,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the woman at the gym with the very interestingly shaped butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cMa\u2019am, I would never have noticed the shape\/s of your rump had you not used the toilet, then proceeded toward the pool without washing your hands. At least you flushed.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4479,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-iphone\/","url_meta":{"origin":3388,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her iPhone,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPlease don\u2019t ever again suggest that what I mean is \u2018but gun.\u2019 Not only is that something I\u2019ll never mean, I misread it as \u2018butt gun\u2019.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3293,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-innocent-man-standing-in-front-of-me-in-line\/","url_meta":{"origin":3388,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the innocent man standing in front of me in line,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI hate it when people stand too close to me in line, but for some reason I am stricken by the desire to be predator, not prey. I want to stand so close that your hind quarters feel unprotected and vulnerable. But I won\u2019t, because that\u2019s creepy\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"impulse control\"","block_context":{"text":"impulse control","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/impulse-control\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3388","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3388"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3388\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3388"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3388"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3388"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}