“I need you to know that it’s not my fault that he jams everybody down there into too-small undies. I have bought him about 10 pairs that should accommodate the entire gang. Please remember this in the next couple of years and go easy on my furniture. Thanks!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“I need you to know that it’s not my fault that he jams everybody down there into too-small undies. I have bought him about 10 pairs that should accommodate the entire gang. Please remember this in the next couple of years and go easy on my furniture. Thanks!” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[205,1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-3980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenthood","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-12c","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":643,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2010\/04\/everybody-loves-salad\/","url_meta":{"origin":3980,"position":0},"title":"Everybody loves salad!","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 25, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"This week was a week of poor morning planning. Translation: I didn't bring my lunch to work as much as I normally do. One day when I was wandering around wondering what I was going to buy for lunch, I noticed that Potbelly's had a sign in the window for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "cooking"","block_context":{"text":"cooking","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/cooking\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/04\/DSCN0725-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4635,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-cashier-at-target\/","url_meta":{"origin":3980,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the cashier at Target,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cA couple of days later, I wish I would have just told you that I have some irritated skin on my neck. Instead, I keep wondering what you thought when I bought two different ointments and nothing else.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3326,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/03\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-bicyclist-who-rode-down-the-street-with-a-swath-of-exposed-buttocks\/","url_meta":{"origin":3980,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the bicyclist who rode down the street with a swath of exposed buttocks,","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 29, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI suppose that this is no one\u2019s fault, specifically, but I have been unable to stop thinking about cinnamon rolls since I saw you pedaling the other day. You see, the soft-looking flesh that I saw reminded me of this particular morning treat. It was like the second dough rising\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "baking"","block_context":{"text":"baking","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/baking\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2551,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-kool-and-the-gang\/","url_meta":{"origin":3980,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to Kool and the Gang,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cToday, I ruined your song \u2018Fresh\u2019 for myself. You see, you describe someone as \u2018fresh as a summer breeze.\u2019 Clearly, whoever wrote this song did not frequent democratic gathering spots such as a bus stop or the Secretary of State office. At these places, the summer breeze can be anything\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4932,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-notes-app\/","url_meta":{"origin":3980,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the notes app,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 4, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThanks to you, I can remember the open letters that come to me when I am out in the world gawking at innocent people who are out there just trying to live.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":290,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2009\/09\/chevron-rib-tank\/","url_meta":{"origin":3980,"position":5},"title":"Chevron Rib Tank","author":"admin","date":"September 22, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I can't tell you when I started knitting the Chevron Rib Tank. I can tell you this though, I know I was still married at the time, because I remember working on it as a passenger in the car when my then husband was driving. Eventually, I finished knitting the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "clothes"","block_context":{"text":"clothes","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/clothes\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/100_2446-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3980","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3980"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3980\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}