“My immediate thought was that you were jealous because your child doesn’t kiss you every morning. Then I just thought you were selfish because you wanted to get out so quickly and wanted me to move even though there was plenty of space for you to back up and then pull out. By the way, why were you so close to my car? But that was weeks ago, and I must try to forgive because I am trying to grow in that area. Then you tempted me this morning. You see, you couldn’t get into the building this morning. I saw your bare pasty legs because you think that November is the right time for capri pants. Where do you find them at your short height? I digress. I hope that your disproportionately meaty calves were cold this morning, very, very cold. And yes, I did rather enjoy my son’s morning goodbye kiss….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“My immediate thought was that you were jealous because your child doesn’t kiss you every morning. Then I just thought you were selfish because you wanted to get out so quickly and wanted me to move even though there was plenty of space for you to back up and then pull out. By the way, […] <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[205,1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-3991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenthood","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-12n","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3287,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-blender\/","url_meta":{"origin":3991,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to her blender,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cDid you enjoy your little bath this morning? I wanted you to feel fresh before I take you on the road. You see, I\u2019ve become rather accustomed to enjoying a daily smoothie, and bringing you with me is the best way to make this likely.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4392,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-wearing-very-thin-very-tight-khakis-this-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":3991,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the woman wearing very thin, very tight khakis this morning,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 26, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cOne glance and my mind went crazy. It looked like your underwear was pressing equally hard into your flesh as it was into the thin pants you wore. But it is the thought of the sweet, sweet relief that you must feel when you take those things off that captivated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4039,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/11\/in-an-open-letter-to-a-neighbor-vacuuming-near-my-bedtime\/","url_meta":{"origin":3991,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to a neighbor vacuuming near my bedtime,","author":"sherlonya","date":"November 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou thought this was going to be a nasty one, didn\u2019t you. Actually, your vacuuming was liberating. Now, I\u2019ll never again feel guilty when I hit the snooze button at 5:30 in the morning. We\u2019re on different schedules and your bedtime vacuuming has illuminated that for me. Thanks!\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5397,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2021\/08\/the-bunny-connection\/","url_meta":{"origin":3991,"position":3},"title":"The Bunny Connection","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 4, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"I was bopping along in the kitchen trying to get ready for the day when Lincoln saw a bunch of graham cracker bunnies in the kitchen. True to his 20 months, he instantly and intensely wanted them. We had a bag open, so I put a few bunnies in a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "parenthood"","block_context":{"text":"parenthood","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/parenthood\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3326,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/03\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-bicyclist-who-rode-down-the-street-with-a-swath-of-exposed-buttocks\/","url_meta":{"origin":3991,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the bicyclist who rode down the street with a swath of exposed buttocks,","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 29, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI suppose that this is no one\u2019s fault, specifically, but I have been unable to stop thinking about cinnamon rolls since I saw you pedaling the other day. You see, the soft-looking flesh that I saw reminded me of this particular morning treat. It was like the second dough rising\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "baking"","block_context":{"text":"baking","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/baking\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3294,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-a-baguette\/","url_meta":{"origin":3991,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to a baguette,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThe things we did together this morning made me think of you all day long. I imagined peeling back your paper. I waited for the moment when my teeth would tear through your crackly exterior. Save some for tomorrow morning\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3991","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3991"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3991\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3991"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3991"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}