“You consistently wait until I clean up an area and then proceed to take up the entire area. This makes me angry every time. I tell you about this. And this is why when you wake up, having slept on the couch, that you are going to find a pile of your crap directly in your doorway. Enjoy!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“You consistently wait until I clean up an area and then proceed to take up the entire area. This makes me angry every time. I tell you about this. And this is why when you wake up, having slept on the couch, that you are going to find a pile of your crap directly in […] <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[205,1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-4216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenthood","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-160","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2440,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-5\/","url_meta":{"origin":4216,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to her son,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, if you bring a trash bag full of crap\u2013oh, I\u2019m sorry, your stuff\u2013home from school and then proceed to leave that bag in the middle of the floor, I am going to put said bag on your bed. \u00a0That is all.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5186,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-senior-citizen-who-stared-directly-into-my-crotch-as-he-shopped-with-his-lady-at-costco\/","url_meta":{"origin":4216,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the senior citizen who stared directly into my crotch as he shopped with his lady at Costco,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWait, is the fountain of youth in my pants? Otherwise, I have no viable reason for that sort of penetrating look.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5316,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2019\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-new-baby\/","url_meta":{"origin":4216,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to new baby,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 9, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThanks for letting me sleep all night without having to get up to visit the bathroom. What a birthday treat! That very strong wallop you delivered as soon as I did wake up made it feel extra thoughtful.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2484,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-neighbor\/","url_meta":{"origin":4216,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to her neighbor,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am a sound sleeper. When other people complain about thunder and lightning through the night, I\u2019m all like \u2018It rained? Huh. I thought it smelled rather verdant around here.\u2019 So, for you to wake me from a sound sleep means that you were making some serious noise. Such, ahem,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3189,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-in-the-face-of-his-feigned-bewilderment\/","url_meta":{"origin":4216,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her son in the face of his feigned bewilderment,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, you should know that no matter how surprised you look by the things I pull out of the couch, \u00a0you know, like the Wii remote and that half-eaten candy cane, that I know exactly how those things got there.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"kids\"","block_context":{"text":"kids","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/kids\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2941,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-neighbor-in-the-throes-of-a-football-game\/","url_meta":{"origin":4216,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the neighbor in the throes of a football game,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 29, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am not sure how you\u2019re managing to scream out in a way that sounds like you\u2019re yelling directly into my apartment. That I live on the second floor, and that I don\u2019t directly face anyone, makes this even more perplexing. I wonder if this is an achievement of voice\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"neighbors\"","block_context":{"text":"neighbors","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/neighbors\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4216","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4216"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4216\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4216"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4216"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4216"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}