“Sweetie, those boxers are so tight that the flap has pulled open in desperation. Son, can’t you feel that chill on your penis? It looks like someone getting ready to skydive, like any moment it’s going to come tumbling out of there. See, sweetie, you’ve reached the age where I feel like I simply don’t need to see it anymore….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Sweetie, those boxers are so tight that the flap has pulled open in desperation. Son, can’t you feel that chill on your penis? It looks like someone getting ready to skydive, like any moment it’s going to come tumbling out of there. See, sweetie, you’ve reached the age where I feel like I simply don’t […] <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-4274","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-16W","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2369,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-4\/","url_meta":{"origin":4274,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to her son,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, I figured out what you remind me of when you\u2019re dancing. A chicken. You tuck your hands in, and then begin to flap. Then you start this pecking motion with your head. Now what you\u2019re doing with the rest of your body, I don\u2019t have that part figured out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "parenthood"","block_context":{"text":"parenthood","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/parenthood\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2658,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-sweet-sweet-son\/","url_meta":{"origin":4274,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to her sweet, sweet son.","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, I appreciate your compliments. I love them. They make me feel warm, and like I am, indeed, providing you a decent childhood. However, sometimes your compliments sound a little bit creepy\u2026like this morning when you practically growled at me, \u201cWell\u2026does somebody look pretty this morning.\u201d Your hand was on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2659,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-sweet-sweet-son-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":4274,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to her sweet, sweet son.","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, I appreciate your compliments. I love them. They make me feel warm, and like I am, indeed, providing you a decent childhood. However, sometimes your compliments sound a little bit creepy\u2026like this morning when you practically growled at me, \u201cWell\u2026does somebody look pretty this morning.\u201d Your hand was on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2440,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-5\/","url_meta":{"origin":4274,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to her son,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, if you bring a trash bag full of crap\u2013oh, I\u2019m sorry, your stuff\u2013home from school and then proceed to leave that bag in the middle of the floor, I am going to put said bag on your bed. \u00a0That is all.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3189,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-in-the-face-of-his-feigned-bewilderment\/","url_meta":{"origin":4274,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her son in the face of his feigned bewilderment,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, you should know that no matter how surprised you look by the things I pull out of the couch, \u00a0you know, like the Wii remote and that half-eaten candy cane, that I know exactly how those things got there.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"kids\"","block_context":{"text":"kids","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/kids\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2133,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2012\/12\/goodbye-2012\/","url_meta":{"origin":4274,"position":5},"title":"Goodbye, 2012","author":"admin","date":"December 31, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"This is probably the year that I'm happiest to let go of! Seriously! Goodbye, 2012!! Scat! Skittle! Skabobble! Now that said, there were plenty of good things about 2012, and I'm determined to remember those too! I made hot sauce! I ate salads! I hung out with a certain young\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"274","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/12\/274-764x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4274","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4274"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4274\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}