“Just put on the bra. Otherwise you will wonder whether your neighbors see you. You will also wonder if the movement of your unfettered breasts reminds them of a waterbed. Or just put on a heavy coat. I mean, uh, this is what my imagination says….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Just put on the bra. Otherwise you will wonder whether your neighbors see you. You will also wonder if the movement of your unfettered breasts reminds them of a waterbed. Or just put on a heavy coat. I mean, uh, this is what my imagination says….” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-4303","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-17p","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4760,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/05\/that-day-i-used-my-breasts-to-get-revenge-at-best-buy\/","url_meta":{"origin":4303,"position":0},"title":"That Day I Used My Breasts to Get Revenge at Best Buy","author":"admin","date":"May 19, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"This story begins with a broken camera lens. I bought this lens as a part of a camera kit. So, when I took the lens to get repaired, they required me to send the entire camera off. So I did. Several days later,\u00a0I got the camera back, and the repair\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"last laugh\"","block_context":{"text":"last laugh","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/last-laugh\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2941,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-neighbor-in-the-throes-of-a-football-game\/","url_meta":{"origin":4303,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the neighbor in the throes of a football game,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 29, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am not sure how you\u2019re managing to scream out in a way that sounds like you\u2019re yelling directly into my apartment. That I live on the second floor, and that I don\u2019t directly face anyone, makes this even more perplexing. I wonder if this is an achievement of voice\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"neighbors\"","block_context":{"text":"neighbors","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/neighbors\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5135,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-potential-suitors\/","url_meta":{"origin":4303,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to potential suitors,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 4, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSo, one of the things that I\u2019m assessing is whether or not I believe that, should things get to that point, whether I think you will handle my very expensive bra with care and respect.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4412,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/03\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-eight-grade-social-studies-teacher-who-asked-us-to-write-about-what-we-would-have-done-had-we-been-slaves\/","url_meta":{"origin":4303,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the eighth grade social studies teacher who asked us to write about what we would have done had we been slaves,","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 1, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI wonder what you were thinking when you berated the class for giving unrealistic answers to that question. I wonder if it had ever crossed your mind that perhaps you didn\u2019t frame the question properly. \u00a0It isn\u2019t even as if we had studied any primary texts or other things to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3013,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/11\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-drivers-involved-in-the-collision-witnessed-this-evening\/","url_meta":{"origin":4303,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the drivers involved in the collision witnessed this evening,","author":"sherlonya","date":"November 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI\u2019m already a skittish driver; that didn\u2019t help. Uh, what I mean is that I hope everyone\u2019s okay; I\u2019m glad there wasn\u2019t a fire; and I \u00a0hope that both of you are all paid up on your auto insurance. I saw that one coming. Both of you were driving too\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"driving\"","block_context":{"text":"driving","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/driving\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4321,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-john-boehner\/","url_meta":{"origin":4303,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to John Boehner,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI mean this in the least erotic way possible, but sometimes I wonder what your face skin feels like beneath tentative fingertips. Then I want to eat some circus peanuts. 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