“I hate you. If there were a slur that could be applied to bad days, I would probably not use it, but I would be tempted to. If I were a smoker, I would have lit up two cigarettes and smoked them both, first the right hand cigarette, then the left hand cigarette. I will neither confirm nor deny spending some time today eating my feelings. You are not welcome around here. Go away forever. Die.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“I hate you. If there were a slur that could be applied to bad days, I would probably not use it, but I would be tempted to. If I were a smoker, I would have lit up two cigarettes and smoked them both, first the right hand cigarette, then the left hand cigarette. I will […] <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-4324","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-17K","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2933,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-very-well-curated-young-woman-perched-precariously-on-a-ledge-not-intended-for-sitting\/","url_meta":{"origin":4324,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the very well curated young woman perched precariously on a ledge not intended for sitting,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 29, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI noticed you trying to take a selfie as you positioned both your camera and your cigarette just so. I hope you don\u2019t set yourself on fire one day. Seriously. Be careful.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"danger\"","block_context":{"text":"danger","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/danger\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2658,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-sweet-sweet-son\/","url_meta":{"origin":4324,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to her sweet, sweet son.","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, I appreciate your compliments. I love them. They make me feel warm, and like I am, indeed, providing you a decent childhood. However, sometimes your compliments sound a little bit creepy\u2026like this morning when you practically growled at me, \u201cWell\u2026does somebody look pretty this morning.\u201d Your hand was on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2659,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-sweet-sweet-son-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":4324,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to her sweet, sweet son.","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSweetie, I appreciate your compliments. I love them. They make me feel warm, and like I am, indeed, providing you a decent childhood. However, sometimes your compliments sound a little bit creepy\u2026like this morning when you practically growled at me, \u201cWell\u2026does somebody look pretty this morning.\u201d Your hand was on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4634,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-at-the-store-whom-i-judged\/","url_meta":{"origin":4324,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the woman at the store whom I judged,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI didn\u2019t set out to judge you. However, I allowed myself to be pulled down by your behavior at the deli. You, ma\u2019am, are an anchor. You made sure that you got to the counter before I did, and then when the employee who served me was faster than the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2292,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-a-piece-of-king-cake-that-made-me-want\/","url_meta":{"origin":4324,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to a piece of king cake that made me want,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI probably shouldn\u2019t be telling you this, but as soon as I took that bread knife in hand, I knew that my basest desires would be unleashed. 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