{"id":4358,"date":"2015-02-09T18:43:32","date_gmt":"2015-02-09T23:43:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/openletters\/?p=2320"},"modified":"2015-02-09T18:43:32","modified_gmt":"2015-02-09T23:43:32","slug":"in-an-open-letter-to-the-portly-gentleman-in-synthetic-pants","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-portly-gentleman-in-synthetic-pants\/","title":{"rendered":"In an open letter to the portly gentleman in synthetic pants,"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;I am upset by the visibility of your junk. This is my problem; I understand this.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;I am upset by the visibility of your junk. This is my problem; I understand this.&#8221; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-4358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-18i","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2535,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-men-who-wear-pants-that-uh-accentuate-their-silhouettes\/","url_meta":{"origin":4358,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to men who wear pants that, uh, accentuate their silhouettes,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am no junk-gazer, but some of you are wearing pants these days that make it hard to concentrate. Not in an ooh-and ah way, for the record. No, this is more in a \u2018Wait. Was that? I think that was\u2026what is going on here? kind of way.\u2019 It is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;open letters&quot;","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3283,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-swimsuit-tried-on-in-anticipation-for-some-time-on-the-beach\/","url_meta":{"origin":4358,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the swimsuit tried on in anticipation for some time on the beach,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 6, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI expected you to look horrible on me, or for me to look horrible wearing you\u2026however you want to put it. However, you surprised me by looking horrible in totally unexpected ways. Way to keep it interesting. 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I bet\u00a0you saved me from an uncomfortable moment.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4430,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-in-the-waiting-room-who-is-now-talking-about-someones-money-situation\/","url_meta":{"origin":4358,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the man in the waiting room who is now talking about someone\u2019s money situation,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 27, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWhile you might not be able to understand how someone goes \u2018from having a problem to not having a problem,\u2019 so fast, I can think of a number of ways that can happen. 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