“Please don’t ever again suggest that what I mean is ‘but gun.’ Not only is that something I’ll never mean, I misread it as ‘butt gun’.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Please don’t ever again suggest that what I mean is ‘but gun.’ Not only is that something I’ll never mean, I misread it as ‘butt gun’.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-4479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1af","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2494,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-another-girl-wearing-microscopic-shorts\/","url_meta":{"origin":4479,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to another girl wearing microscopic shorts,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou definitely have the body for short shorts. I\u2019ll give you that. But, honey, your butt is so flat that at first I couldn\u2019t tell I was looking at a butt cheek. I thought I was looking at a wrinkle. Another inch on those shorts and your business wouldn\u2019t be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5085,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-suggested-correction-in-google-that-made-me-feel-shame\/","url_meta":{"origin":4479,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the suggested correction in Google that made me feel shame,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 14, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWell, that was embarrassing. I mean, I know that I am not the first person out there to look for bare-chested photos of Peter Jennings. Why did you suggest that I wanted to see pictures of him smoking? Now, in addition to making me feel like a creepster, you\u2019ve smoldered\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2649,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-a-open-letter-to-a-hard-loved-pair-of-jeans\/","url_meta":{"origin":4479,"position":2},"title":"In a open letter to a hard-loved pair of jeans,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 19, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWe\u2019ve had some good times together. You, sweet jeans, have given me the kind generosity a girl like me needs in the thigh region. Alas, the thighs have taken their toll, and you are now sporting a hole in the upper inner thigh region. It is best for your reputation\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4327,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-a-man-to-whom-i-lied\/","url_meta":{"origin":4479,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to a man to whom I lied,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 1, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI don\u2019t mean to be a liar, I was just put on the spot. I was trying to politely communicate that I\u2019m not interested in any, um, extracurricular activities. That\u2019s why when you asked me whether I hang out, I said, \u2018No.\u2019 I mean, what else was there to say?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "drinks"","block_context":{"text":"drinks","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/drinks\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2446,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-cute-guy-she-saw-digging-in-his-butt\/","url_meta":{"origin":4479,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the cute guy she saw digging in his butt,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWhen I saw the confidence with which you used four fingers to scratch your butt deeply. I was sure you were going to smell your fingers. Instead you used that hand to dig in your ear. While you are cute, your pleasant face did not overcome these indiscretions\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2537,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-bicyclist-who-rode-while-exposing-a-good-three-inches-of-rear-end\/","url_meta":{"origin":4479,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the bicyclist who rode while exposing a good three inches of rear end,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSir, it was the exposed buttock region that first got my attention. Then, however, I noticed that the crackside shadows made it look like you were wearing thong panties. So, of course, I had to get a closer look. I didn\u2019t see any underwear at all. 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