“So, the thing is that if you openly stare at my breasts while descending the stairs, it makes it very hard for me to resist wanting to see you tumble down said stairs. I want to be better than that. As a result, I kindly ask you to refrain from this open-mouthed gaping.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“So, the thing is that if you openly stare at my breasts while descending the stairs, it makes it very hard for me to resist wanting to see you tumble down said stairs. I want to be better than that. As a result, I kindly ask you to refrain from this open-mouthed gaping.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-4495","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1av","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4507,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/07\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-looked-at-my-breasts-hungrily-then-made-direct-eye-contact-with-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":4495,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the man who looked at my breasts hungrily, then made direct eye contact with me,","author":"sherlonya","date":"July 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI have never experienced a stare like that. You looked like you wanted to eat my bosom, literally, on a plate with fork and knife. Sir, you frightened me. I wanted to cradle my lady shelf in my arms. I felt a need to protect them. That and to walk\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5293,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2019\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-with-a-dog-blocking-access-to-the-set-of-stairs-that-leads-to-the-coffee-shop\/","url_meta":{"origin":4495,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the woman with a dog blocking access to the set of stairs that leads to the coffee shop,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 24, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cAre you intentionally positioned for maximum sprawl? The purse, the stretching out, you look like you\u2019ve mistaken this area for the beach. Oh, I stand corrected as you bring your unleashed dog into the coffee shop\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2549,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-wayward-breasts-i-saw-today\/","url_meta":{"origin":4495,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the wayward breasts I saw today,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 16, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThank you. Apparently free form is your thing! More power to you. But I am thanking you because you remind me that these days I like to keep my girls on a short leash. In fact, after what I saw today, I\u2019m thinking of adding tape to my regimen.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2550,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-wayward-breasts-i-saw-today-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":4495,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the wayward breasts I saw today,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 16, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThank you. Apparently free form is your thing! More power to you. But I am thanking you because you remind me that these days I like to keep my girls on a short leash. In fact, after what I saw today, I\u2019m thinking of adding tape to my regimen.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5133,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-middle-aged-man-who-looked-directly-at-my-breasts-as-i-exited-the-store-while-he-entered\/","url_meta":{"origin":4495,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the middle-aged man who looked directly at my breasts as I exited the store while he entered,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 5, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSir, if you are going to unflinchingly make direct eye contact with me after boldly staring at my chest, I am going to unabashedly roll my eyes at you.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2529,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-herself-upon-the-occasion-of-the-500th-open-letter\/","url_meta":{"origin":4495,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to herself upon the occasion of the 500th open letter,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI can\u2019t believe you\u2019ve been doing this for a few years now. Who knew it would go on this long? This whole thing, after all, started as a fling. But what is wrong with you? You are going to lead people to believe that you do nothing but stare at\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4495","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4495"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4495\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4495"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4495"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4495"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}