{"id":4818,"date":"2017-01-05T12:00:10","date_gmt":"2017-01-05T17:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/?p=4818"},"modified":"2017-01-02T22:35:13","modified_gmt":"2017-01-03T03:35:13","slug":"traffic-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/01\/traffic-4\/","title":{"rendered":"Traffic #4"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Megan. She gets worked up over everything.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not like I called her a high school English teacher. Uptight. That\u2019s what she is. Thank God I didn\u2019t call her that.<\/span><\/p>\n

And now I have to go buy her something.<\/span><\/p>\n

When we met she was different, but she changed. They always go and change.<\/span><\/p>\n

A change\u2019ll do you good my ass.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been faithful to her; what more does she want? My life? My offspring?<\/span><\/p>\n

She probably does.  One day I\u2019ll come home from work, want to put my feet up. I can see it now; I\u2019ll open the door and she\u2019ll be there, moved in by then. I already found a box of her tampons under my bathroom sink. She\u2019ll look all fresh and radiant. An apron. Maybe she’ll wear an apron.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be weak and vulnerable because I smell pot roast. She\u2019s the kind to call my mom and get the recipe. Hell, she\u2019s the kind to make an appointment with my mother for a one-on-one pot roast lesson.  The smell of the roast will hang in the air mingling with the smell of fresh homemade cinnamon rolls. <\/span><\/p>\n

There I am, feeling like I finally made it. I come home to what I should want. She takes my jacket and gloves at the door. I am sure that we\u2019ll be getting our money\u2019s worth out of the mattress warranty later that night.  She unties the apron, hangs it up.  Did she go buy that apron especially for me because she knows I appreciate the look, because she knows about my tapes of sitcoms from the 50s? Her body language\u2019ll tell me to have a seat. I\u2019ll sit, smiling, expecting her to massage, you know, really rub down my feet. I\u2019ll scan the room for that special foot lotion she bought me and my toes tingle in anticipation. I\u2019m smiling and I\u2019m ready\u2026and then she\u2019ll hit me below the belt with a meat tenderizer.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoney, I\u2019m pregnant.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I want to vomit thinking about it. I can just feel the slimy acid residue in my mouth. I really need a glass of water.<\/span><\/p>\n

And now I have to buy her something.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Want to catch up on the story? Do it here<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Megan. She gets worked up over everything. It\u2019s not like I called her a high school English teacher. Uptight. That\u2019s what she is. Thank God I didn\u2019t call her that. And now I have to go buy her something. When we met she was different, but she changed. They always go and change. A change\u2019ll do you… Continue reading Traffic #4<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[742],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4818","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-traffic","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1fI","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4778,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/traffic-1\/","url_meta":{"origin":4818,"position":0},"title":"Traffic #1","author":"admin","date":"June 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Megan sat in her unreliable Plymouth Reliant in 85 degree, remind-you-of-a-moist-mouth, Michigan summer heat. Why is the universe mad at me this time? \u00a0She looked around, realizing that she was being dramatic again; to be stuck in traffic is to be stuck with the equally unlucky. \u00a0Revision: only someone who\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Traffic"","block_context":{"text":"Traffic","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/writing\/traffic\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"serialnovel","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/serialnovel.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2422,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-tanned-shirtless-silver-fox-i-saw-on-my-lunch-break\/","url_meta":{"origin":4818,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the tanned, shirtless silver fox I saw on my lunch break,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSir, I have said this before, but I need to say it again; I am not used to this seasonal nudity. You, sir, almost caused me to walk right out into traffic with all your shirtlessness, and that tan, and those abs. You may just be a danger to innocent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4786,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/traffic-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":4818,"position":2},"title":"Traffic #2","author":"admin","date":"June 24, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Megan noticed, as all women learn to at one point or another, that it was taking all of the effort that he had to keep his eyes aimed at hers. Upon reaching his car, she had realized her power, his vulnerability. And who said she wasn\u2019t spontaneous? Gary had said\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Traffic"","block_context":{"text":"Traffic","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/writing\/traffic\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"serialnovel","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/serialnovel.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4806,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/traffic-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":4818,"position":3},"title":"Traffic #3","author":"admin","date":"June 27, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cShonda, look!\u201d James exclaimed. Shonda\u00a0was looking.\u00a0 Looking right out the window. She was looking as far as she could see. If she could have, she would have looked her way right out of that car, right out of her marriage, right out of her life. Not life itself, let there\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Traffic"","block_context":{"text":"Traffic","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/writing\/traffic\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4479,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-iphone\/","url_meta":{"origin":4818,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her iPhone,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPlease don\u2019t ever again suggest that what I mean is \u2018but gun.\u2019 Not only is that something I\u2019ll never mean, I misread it as \u2018butt gun\u2019.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4291,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-blonde-woman-in-leather-pants-whose-hair-was-the-same-color-as-her-ivory-sweater\/","url_meta":{"origin":4818,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the blonde woman in leather pants whose hair was the same color as her ivory sweater,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 12, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI\u2019ll keep this short. Hair mask.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "hair"","block_context":{"text":"hair","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/hair\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4818","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4818"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4818\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4910,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4818\/revisions\/4910"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4818"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4818"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4818"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}