“Yeah, so the exclaiming at yourself, ‘Great. Everything’s hanging out now!’ in a somewhat audible tone probably was not the best move.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Yeah, so the exclaiming at yourself, ‘Great. Everything’s hanging out now!’ in a somewhat audible tone probably was not the best move.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5052","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1ju","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2621,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-son-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":5052,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to her son,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cDude, today I heard you snapping as music played\u2026and let\u2019s just say this; it is intentional that I did not describe it as snapping to the music. How is this possible? You were weirdly early, sporadically. I never understand this in people. The beat is so audible, so predictable, so\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4095,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/11\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-whom-i-didnt-tell-that-her-maxi-pad-was-hanging-out-of-her-pocket-by-a-good-two-inches\/","url_meta":{"origin":5052,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the woman whom I didn\u2019t tell that her maxi pad was hanging out of her pocket by a good two inches,","author":"sherlonya","date":"November 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI found myself thinking about you the other day and I was surprised to find that I still found it funny. You were there giving a presentation to the class with that telltale pink plastic betraying you against those navy blue corduroys. Had you been nicer, I probably would have\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2531,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-word-panties\/","url_meta":{"origin":5052,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the word panties,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI totally think that you are treated unfairly. I actually like you. Part of this might be because I really, really like panties. Also, you\u2019re just so cute. You sound like pants\u2019 baby brother, or niece. Finally, I like you the way that you are written, that \u2018t\u2019 right there\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4452,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/03\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-corpulent-man-with-an-oppressive-nose\/","url_meta":{"origin":5052,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the corpulent man with an oppressive nose,","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 10, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI have to admit that I enjoyed watching you being ignored as you tried to summon a cashier who was attending other customers by waving your hand weakly in her direction. I could wonder why you didn\u2019t hit the button on the self check that is to get store employee\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2443,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-daddy-yankee-pandora-station\/","url_meta":{"origin":5052,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her Daddy Yankee Pandora station,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI regret to inform you that I can no longer listen to you at work. You see, there is something about this music that makes my hips move involuntarily. This is inappropriate at best and probably most likely creepy\/downright gross. 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