“If this were a Nelly concert I would think you were thematically dressed, letting it fall out and all. If this were Morris Day and the Time I would think you were paying Homage.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“If this were a Nelly concert I would think you were thematically dressed, letting it fall out and all. If this were Morris Day and the Time I would think you were paying Homage.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5058","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1jA","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2401,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-the-morris-day-hair\/","url_meta":{"origin":5058,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the man with the Morris Day hair,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI couldn\u2019t help myself. Your hair caught my eye early this morning. I didn\u2019t want to be all obvious about getting a closer look. I\u2019m afraid that this made me behave in a creepy fashion, inching my car slowly forward and looking at you not by turning my head, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "hair"","block_context":{"text":"hair","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/hair\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5073,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-saxophonist-from-the-hall-and-oates-concert\/","url_meta":{"origin":5058,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the saxophonist from the Hall and Oates concert,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 27, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou reminded me of both Bill Clinton and Dumbledore. This left me erotically confused.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5059,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-friendly-man-who-sat-next-to-me-at-the-hall-and-oates-concert\/","url_meta":{"origin":5058,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the friendly man who sat next to me at the Hall and Oates concert,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 18, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI suspect that the reason you started talking to me is because you felt bad that I was there by myself. It was a little weird how you kept leaning over though putting your upper side in contact with mine to tell me how much your wife was into the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2749,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-popcorn\/","url_meta":{"origin":5058,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to popcorn,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cHere we are again. I love your scent. You look so good dressed in butter and bejeweled in salt. I can\u2019t wait to taste you\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2357,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-internet-gods\/","url_meta":{"origin":5058,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the Internet gods,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThank you for not letting me break my websites. I am very grateful. So grateful, in fact, that I am going to stop while I\u2019m ahead.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"history major\"","block_context":{"text":"history major","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/history-major\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5316,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2019\/09\/in-an-open-letter-to-new-baby\/","url_meta":{"origin":5058,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to new baby,","author":"sherlonya","date":"September 9, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThanks for letting me sleep all night without having to get up to visit the bathroom. What a birthday treat! 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