“Please do not ever again announce to the barista that I will soon be fertile. I don’t think he needed that information as I simply tried to pay for my drink using another app….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Please do not ever again announce to the barista that I will soon be fertile. I don’t think he needed that information as I simply tried to pay for my drink using another app….” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1ks","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3316,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/03\/i-open-letter-to-the-barista-who-is-successfully-working-that-whole-minnie-mouse-vibe\/","url_meta":{"origin":5112,"position":0},"title":"I open letter to the barista who is successfully working that whole Minnie Mouse vibe,","author":"sherlonya","date":"March 22, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cHow do you do it?\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4307,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-panties-that-tried-to-ruin-my-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":5112,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the panties that tried to ruin my day,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt\u2019s a good thing that I took a look at the sweater I grabbed as I walked out the door before I put it on. At work. In front of someone. Please don\u2019t ever hitch a ride via static cling again.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2261,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/strawberry-donuts\/","url_meta":{"origin":5112,"position":2},"title":"Strawberry Donuts","author":"admin","date":"April 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"When I saw the cover of the April\u00a0Saveur, I knew I was in trouble. On the cover were these cute, yet seductive donuts. This cover is the reason that I now subscribe to the downloadable version of the magazine. I have no business baking donuts right now. None whatsoever. 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He reignited the biscuit lust\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "baking"","block_context":{"text":"baking","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/baking\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/biscuits.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4479,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-iphone\/","url_meta":{"origin":5112,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her iPhone,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 28, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPlease don\u2019t ever again suggest that what I mean is \u2018but gun.\u2019 Not only is that something I\u2019ll never mean, I misread it as \u2018butt gun\u2019.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3732,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/how-to-eat-your-feelings-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":5112,"position":5},"title":"How to eat your feelings 2","author":"admin","date":"October 3, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You try your best, pull from your reserve of energy to sort yourself out, start fresh. You fail. You hate to fail.\u00a0 You contemplate failure. You feel your past failures begin to swirl around you. It reminds you of the way that a room will begin to spin ominously if\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"how to eat your feelings\"","block_context":{"text":"how to eat your feelings","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/how-to-eat-your-feelings\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_03741.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5112","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5112"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5112\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5112"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5112"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}