“Nope. Not acceptable at all. I wish I had seeded him with an inappropriate canned answer. You know, something you’d remember for the rest of your live. Maybe something involving aliens. Aliens and worms.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Nope. Not acceptable at all. I wish I had seeded him with an inappropriate canned answer. You know, something you’d remember for the rest of your live. Maybe something involving aliens. Aliens and worms.” <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1kL","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5132,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-the-watermelon-belly-seeded-not-seedless\/","url_meta":{"origin":5131,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the man with the watermelon belly, seeded, not seedless,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 4, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI did not appreciate that you grunted in disappointment when in response to an aggressive wind I held the hem of my dress. When your disapproving noise caught my attention, I looked at you to find you staring directly at my lap. I did not like that either\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2553,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-ipad\/","url_meta":{"origin":5131,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to her iPad,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am disturbed by how quickly your auto fill mechanism knew that I wanted the word, \u2018inappropriate.\u2019\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3732,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/how-to-eat-your-feelings-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":5131,"position":2},"title":"How to eat your feelings 2","author":"admin","date":"October 3, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You try your best, pull from your reserve of energy to sort yourself out, start fresh. You fail. You hate to fail.\u00a0 You contemplate failure. You feel your past failures begin to swirl around you. It reminds you of the way that a room will begin to spin ominously if\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"how to eat your feelings\"","block_context":{"text":"how to eat your feelings","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/how-to-eat-your-feelings\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_03741.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2443,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-daddy-yankee-pandora-station\/","url_meta":{"origin":5131,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to her Daddy Yankee Pandora station,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 3, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI regret to inform you that I can no longer listen to you at work. You see, there is something about this music that makes my hips move involuntarily. This is inappropriate at best and probably most likely creepy\/downright gross. Additionally, this music both makes me mouth lyrics (not a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2628,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-chicken-in-the-salad-i-recently-mauled\/","url_meta":{"origin":5131,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the chicken in the salad I recently mauled,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 16, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIn my hunger, I succumbed to the sweet rush of relief that overtook me as the tines of my pork pushed past your gentle resistance. Inappropriate noises were made.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2438,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-lyndon-johnson\/","url_meta":{"origin":5131,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to Lyndon Johnson,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 2, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI understand that this is probably an inappropriate thing to say to the deceased, but I can totally imagine someone grabbing those \u00a0large ears of yours, whispering into one of them, \u2018Big Texas.\u2019 What have you done to me?\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5131"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5131\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}