{"id":5132,"date":"2017-08-04T19:00:55","date_gmt":"2017-08-04T23:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/openletters\/?p=5108"},"modified":"2017-08-04T19:00:55","modified_gmt":"2017-08-04T23:00:55","slug":"in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-the-watermelon-belly-seeded-not-seedless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-the-watermelon-belly-seeded-not-seedless\/","title":{"rendered":"In an open letter to the man with the watermelon belly, seeded, not seedless,"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;I did not appreciate that you grunted in disappointment when in response to an aggressive wind I held the hem of my dress. When your disapproving noise caught my attention, I looked at you to find you staring directly at my lap. I did not like that either&#8230;.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;I did not appreciate that you grunted in disappointment when in response to an aggressive wind I held the hem of my dress. When your disapproving noise caught my attention, I looked at you to find you staring directly at my lap. I did not like that either&#8230;.&#8221; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1kM","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5133,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-middle-aged-man-who-looked-directly-at-my-breasts-as-i-exited-the-store-while-he-entered\/","url_meta":{"origin":5132,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the middle-aged man who looked directly at my breasts as I exited the store while he entered,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 5, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSir, if you are going to unflinchingly make direct eye contact with me after boldly staring at my chest, I am going to unabashedly roll my eyes at you.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2981,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/11\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-caught-me-staring-at-him-this-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":5132,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the man who caught me staring at him this morning,","author":"sherlonya","date":"November 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt was your moustache. It was so dark and rich. It reminded me of Barry White\u2019s voice. It didn\u2019t match your hair. I had questions. Those questions were what I was considering when you caught me in the act\u2026.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"Barry White\"","block_context":{"text":"Barry White","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/barry-white\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3341,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-who-held-the-door-for-me-today\/","url_meta":{"origin":5132,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the man who held the door for me today,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 21, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIt was nice of you to hold the door. But if you\u2019re going to use it as an opportunity to take a long, lingering look at my butt as I walk through the door, you need to work on your timing. Had you delayed your staring for about 5 more\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2401,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-man-with-the-morris-day-hair\/","url_meta":{"origin":5132,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the man with the Morris Day hair,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI couldn\u2019t help myself. Your hair caught my eye early this morning. I didn\u2019t want to be all obvious about getting a closer look. I\u2019m afraid that this made me behave in a creepy fashion, inching my car slowly forward and looking at you not by turning my head, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;hair&quot;","block_context":{"text":"hair","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/hair\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4790,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/thats-right-i-used-to-run\/","url_meta":{"origin":5132,"position":4},"title":"That&#8217;s Right, I Used To Run","author":"admin","date":"June 25, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"When I was much, much younger, we're talking half my age, I entertained all of these fantasies of running. I held on to them for years and years. 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