\u201cWait, is the fountain of youth in my pants? Otherwise, I have no viable reason for that sort of penetrating look.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cWait, is the fountain of youth in my pants? Otherwise, I have no viable reason for that sort of penetrating look.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1lE","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3880,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/10\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-thick-thighed-woman-wearing-the-sheerish-gray-animal-print-leggings\/","url_meta":{"origin":5186,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the thick-thighed woman wearing the sheerish gray animal print leggings,","author":"sherlonya","date":"October 21, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI have some questions for you. But, the one that stands out to me above all others is whether your red panties were uncomfortable. You see, they left approximately two and a half inches of your upper butt uncovered. You may have some questions for me, based on my penetrating\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2535,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-men-who-wear-pants-that-uh-accentuate-their-silhouettes\/","url_meta":{"origin":5186,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to men who wear pants that, uh, accentuate their silhouettes,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am no junk-gazer, but some of you are wearing pants these days that make it hard to concentrate. Not in an ooh-and ah way, for the record. No, this is more in a \u2018Wait. Was that? I think that was\u2026what is going on here? kind of way.\u2019 It is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4360,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-girls-running-around-in-this-hotel\/","url_meta":{"origin":5186,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to the girls running around in this hotel,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 14, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI know that lots of people say that leggings aren\u2019t pants, but what I need to say is that tights aren\u2019t pants. Tights. Are. Not. Pants.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2624,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-in-stretchy-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":5186,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to the woman in stretchy pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 15, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI simply did not understand the physics of your pants. They didn\u2019t appear to be shifting around. In fact, they seemed rather snug. The exception, though, was the crotch baggies. I just don\u2019t understand how your pants could be so tight, yet so loose. Is there a class on this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4358,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-portly-gentleman-in-synthetic-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":5186,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to the portly gentleman in synthetic pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am upset by the visibility of your junk. This is my problem; I understand this.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5066,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-woman-walking-across-campus-with-a-confident-strut-and-the-comfortable-looking-pants\/","url_meta":{"origin":5186,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the woman walking across campus with a confident strut and the comfortable looking pants,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cBravo. You look like you know how to live. Those pants looked so comfortable, yet stylish. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step. Your panties, however, did not look so comfortable. I wonder if that\u2019s the secret to the bright bounce in your step.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5186","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5186"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5186\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}