{"id":5270,"date":"2018-07-06T19:07:09","date_gmt":"2018-07-06T23:07:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/openletters\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-semi-well-built-aging-man-lovingly-gripping-his-ladys-sidemeat\/"},"modified":"2018-07-06T19:07:09","modified_gmt":"2018-07-06T23:07:09","slug":"in-an-open-letter-to-the-semi-well-built-aging-man-lovingly-gripping-his-ladys-sidemeat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2018\/07\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-semi-well-built-aging-man-lovingly-gripping-his-ladys-sidemeat\/","title":{"rendered":"In an open letter to the semi well-built, aging man lovingly gripping his lady\u2019s sidemeat,"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cMy voyeuristic eye zoomed in on this public intimacy. Now, I am fixated on your dirty fingernails.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cMy voyeuristic eye zoomed in on this public intimacy. Now, I am fixated on your dirty fingernails.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5270","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1n0","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4340,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2015\/02\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-coworkers-who-were-victims-of-my-eavesdropping\/","url_meta":{"origin":5270,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to the apparent coworkers who were victims of my eavesdropping,","author":"sherlonya","date":"February 5, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI know that you are boss and employee. Therefore, the intimacy of that lean-in disturbed me. Deeply. Additionally, I don\u2019t know how to reconcile that whole wedding band issue. I might not sleep soundly tonight.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3222,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-show-dexter\/","url_meta":{"origin":5270,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to the show Dexter,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 13, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou made me want to dance last night. I don\u2019t think that was the right answer. But, you see, Angel Batista was dancing merengue and I wanted to burst through the screen and join in. This makes me feel vaguely dirty.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1774,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2012\/05\/a-is-for-afghanistan\/","url_meta":{"origin":5270,"position":2},"title":"A is for Afghanistan","author":"admin","date":"May 6, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Recently, I said to my guy that I think that it would be cool to go through\u00a0list of countries and cook food from each of these countries, in alphabetical order. He did not look at me like I am from a different planet. I love that man. Anyway, it seemed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;cooking&quot;","block_context":{"text":"cooking","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/cooking\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/cardamom-fudge.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2447,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-whoever-wrote-hi-you-with-a-finger-in-the-dirt-on-my-car\/","url_meta":{"origin":5270,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to whoever wrote \u201chi you\u201d with a finger in the dirt on my car,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPlease, please, please tell me that you are a child, preferably someone between the ages of 7 and 11. If you are a child, you\u2019ve scored success; I\u2019m taking my car to the car wash today. If you are not a child, I find this more than a little creepy.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In &quot;open letters&quot;","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3072,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/12\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-twitching-eye\/","url_meta":{"origin":5270,"position":4},"title":"In an open letter to her twitching eye,","author":"sherlonya","date":"December 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIf I start running again, will you cut that out?\u201d","rel":"","context":"In &quot;open letters&quot;","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5024,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/04\/in-an-open-letter-to-the-truck-driver-who-drove-by-while-making-strong-direct-eye-contact-with-me-as-i-applied-my-chapstick\/","url_meta":{"origin":5270,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to the truck driver who drove by while making strong, direct eye contact with me as I applied my chapstick,","author":"sherlonya","date":"April 16, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cDude. That felt weird.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5270","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5270"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5270\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5270"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5270"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5270"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}