\u201cThanks for letting me sleep all night without having to get up to visit the bathroom. What a birthday treat! That very strong wallop you delivered as soon as I did wake up made it feel extra thoughtful.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cThanks for letting me sleep all night without having to get up to visit the bathroom. What a birthday treat! That very strong wallop you delivered as soon as I did wake up made it feel extra thoughtful.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[764],"class_list":["post-5316","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-open-letters","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p33KTw-1nK","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2484,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/05\/in-an-open-letter-to-her-neighbor\/","url_meta":{"origin":5316,"position":0},"title":"In an open letter to her neighbor,","author":"sherlonya","date":"May 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI am a sound sleeper. When other people complain about thunder and lightning through the night, I\u2019m all like \u2018It rained? Huh. I thought it smelled rather verdant around here.\u2019 So, for you to wake me from a sound sleep means that you were making some serious noise. Such, ahem,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4777,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2016\/06\/in-an-open-letter-to-zyrtec\/","url_meta":{"origin":5316,"position":1},"title":"In an open letter to Zyrtec,","author":"sherlonya","date":"June 20, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI love you. I love you. I love you. Thanks to you, I can smell spring and summer. Flowers! Fragrance!! Also, thanks to you, I can sleep through the night without scratching mosquito bites until I bleed.\u201d","rel":"","context":"In \"open letters\"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2784,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-herself-at-three-in-the-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":5316,"position":2},"title":"In an open letter to herself at three in the morning,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWe are by no means starving. Please do not wake me up again because you say we\u2019re hungry. Can\u2019t you convert some of our excess thigh meat into energy or something?\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2785,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2013\/08\/in-an-open-letter-to-herself-at-three-in-the-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":5316,"position":3},"title":"In an open letter to herself at three in the morning,","author":"sherlonya","date":"August 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cWe are by no means starving. Please do not wake me up again because you say we\u2019re hungry. Can\u2019t you convert some of our excess thigh meat into energy or something?\u201d","rel":"","context":"In "open letters"","block_context":{"text":"open letters","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/category\/open-letters\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3523,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2014\/09\/birthday-things\/","url_meta":{"origin":5316,"position":4},"title":"Birthday things.","author":"admin","date":"September 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"The first 35 years of my life are over. Sheesh, I didn't know that sentence would seem so grave. I don't really mean it that way. I like my birthday; I think it's fun...even if my son thinks that 35 is middle-aged. I was off today, so I spent some\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"birthday\"","block_context":{"text":"birthday","link":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/tag\/birthday\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/birthdaythings.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4972,"url":"https:\/\/sherlonya.net\/blog\/2017\/01\/in-an-open-letter-to-joe-biden\/","url_meta":{"origin":5316,"position":5},"title":"In an open letter to Joe Biden,","author":"sherlonya","date":"January 18, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cI need you more now than I have ever needed you. Can you visit me tonight while I sleep, you know, in my dreams? You can do whatever you want. You can read legislation verbatim. Bring Jill, brush her hair. Anything. 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