Open Letters:

From Me to Some of Everyone

In an open letter to the tall girl wearing very short shorts,

“It was difficult not to look at your crotch because I wondered whether your shorts were successfully covering your lady bits. I also wondered whether those shorts hurt. But that’s none of my business….”

In an open letter to the gross granola bars I bought in bulk before I knew they were gross,

“It wasn’t until I looked into my lunch bag to discover that, despite my remaining hunger, the bag was empty that I fully appreciated you. The good thing about you is that I certainly won’t eat you when I don’t absolutely need to, but when I do need a little something to get me through […]