Open Letters:

From Me to Some of Everyone

Tag: shorts

In an open letter to the tall girl wearing very short shorts,

“It was difficult not to look at your crotch because I wondered whether your shorts were successfully covering your lady bits. I also wondered whether those shorts hurt. But that’s none of my business….”

In an open letter to the woman I saw today wearing high-waisted, short shorts,

“Despite my attempts to admire your bravery all I could think was ‘ill-fitting tall panties’ when I saw your shorts. You walked with confidence though. Also, I saw your butt. Hmm…considering the aforementioned confidence, maybe this was the plan….”

In an open letter to anyone who looked in her car and noticed the Vaseline in there,

“I want you to know that this is sports-related. Running in particular. You see, I am of ample thigh and these temperatures have forced me into running in shorts. The petroleum jelly keeps my thigh-rub from turning into lost skin. Thank you for not judging.”