“I am a sound sleeper. When other people complain about thunder and lightning through the night, I’m all like ‘It rained? Huh. I thought it smelled rather verdant around here.’ So, for you to wake me from a sound sleep means that you were making some serious noise. Such, ahem, activities should never make that much noise. Go ahead, call me a prude. I thought you and your lady friend were about to fall through the floor and into my bed. And I know that my bed wouldn’t stand up to whatever it was that was going on. Just what were you doing? Wait, don’t answer that….”